Episode 67 features J.D. the founder of Veritas Fit and a mental health coach and advocate who is here because we should all be challenged more to discuss our mental health.
We discuss anxiety, starting conversations around mental health, storytelling and filling in the blanks, knowledge and not knowing, speak generationally, and much much more.
Throughout the conversation, we discuss:
- Helping vs. Supporting
- Mental Health
- Anxiety
- Not Knowing
- Self-care
- Storytelling
- The journey
- The Speed of Information
- Algorithms and Comfort Zones
- Generational Differences
- Apologizing to our parents
- Taking pictures
- Remembering phone numbers
- Balance
- And much more
Mentioned and Helpful Links from This Episode
Music created and provided by Henno Heitur of Monkey Tongue Productions.
–End Show Notes Transmission–
–Begin Transcription–
00:00:00:01 – 00:00:27:18
Agent Palmer
Previously on Agent Palmer dot com. A life full of positive achievements. Memoir celebrates, admire in Welcome to Earth, Will Smith is all of us on our ever connected planet. And how many of you could have comfortably and publicly asked your boss why they hired you? This is The Palmer Files, episode 67 with JD, the founder of Veritas Fit and a mental health coach and advocate who is here because we should be challenged more to discuss our mental health.
00:00:27:23 – 00:01:11:31
Agent Palmer
We discuss anxiety, starting conversations around mental health, storytelling and filling in the blanks knowledge and not knowing. Speaking generationally and much, much more. Are you ready? Let’s do the show.
00:01:11:35 – 00:01:35:58
Agent Palmer
Hello, and welcome to the Palmer Files. I’m your host, Jason Stershic, also known as Agent Palmer. And on this 67th episode is JD. He is the founder of Veritas Health. Host of The Dark Days Bright Nights podcast and a mental health advocate. We started interacting on Twitter in one of the many independent podcast Twitter places that exist, and through that connection, we’ve interacted enough that I wanted to have JD come on the show.
00:01:36:03 – 00:02:04:10
Agent Palmer
No, this isn’t two podcasters talking about podcasting. This is a great conversation that you’re about to hear. One about anxiety, because we need to be more open to discussions and communications about our own mental health, but also it’s a conversation about differences in generations, how diagnosis and labels can help explain, not erase things. The speed at which information travels, being our own worst enemy, not knowing, and so much more.
00:02:04:15 – 00:02:28:22
Agent Palmer
All of that is coming your way very soon. But first, remember, if you want to discuss this episode as you listen or afterwards, you can tweet me at Agent Palmer. My guest, JD at JD underscore the Jedi. That’s JD underscore Jedi or this show at the Palmer Files. You can find more information on JD and Veritas Fit at Veritas Sitcom.
00:02:28:22 – 00:02:52:52
Agent Palmer
That’s V Veritas sitcom, or by listening to JD host the Dark Days Bright Nights podcast. Don’t forget you can see all of my ratings and ratings on Agent palmer.com. And of course, email can be sent to the Palmer files at gmail.com. So without further ado, let’s get into it.
00:02:52:57 – 00:03:17:35
Agent Palmer
JD, I have been trying to figure out what it is I do, and a friend of mine recently said that he wants to make cool things for cool people. And you, meaning me, wants to help people make those cool things. So I don’t want to make them myself. You do a lot to help people. Is that is that where we can start?
00:03:17:46 – 00:03:40:15
JD
Yeah. So, you know, first of all, you use the word word. Help. So to help clarify, I guess, you know what what I do and and the role that I have and all the, the things that I participate in. I have two different definitions. And help I definition implies that one party is at, a weaker spot, at a disadvantage than the other party.
00:03:40:20 – 00:04:08:00
JD
And that’s going to happen in certain cases is not solely a bad thing, but support by definition means that both parties are in a relatively, you know, similar situation and can stand to gain from, from one another. So what I do is, is that and really, if I look back and all that I’ve done, you know, both as a middle school teacher and now as a, as a coach and a mental health advocate, support is is what I do, for people.
00:04:08:00 – 00:04:26:57
JD
And that’s, you know, that a lot of people don’t talk about, you know, when it comes to mental health and mental illness, you know, and that’s that’s what I do is support that conversation and for others so that those that feel they’re in, a weaker spot and, a tougher conversation that they’re not on the same plane.
00:04:27:01 – 00:04:54:00
Agent Palmer
Do you think that part of it is for the for those of us that are not professionally diagnosed? Because I’m not professionally diagnosed. Do you think part of it is a lack of, or or a fear of the acknowledgment of it? Like I’m actually not in that space. I speak from someone who knows I need to be diagnosed with something besides anxiety.
00:04:54:05 – 00:05:17:08
Agent Palmer
But but I don’t have, you know, I’ve been unemployed for a while, and I’m finally back into employment. But, like, for the longest time, I didn’t have benefits, so I couldn’t just afford to go get diagnosed with anything. But I, I, I function as an adult with, I don’t know, I’m high functioning with anxiety, I guess would be the description, right?
00:05:17:08 – 00:05:40:13
Agent Palmer
For sure. And I’m not afraid to talk about it. Accepting that it needs to come up like I’m sure that’s part of the conversation. I think maybe that is like I literally had I think it was episode 13 of this show is me telling my anxiety story alongside a friend who’s telling his anxiety story, which are vastly different stories.
00:05:40:13 – 00:05:45:12
Agent Palmer
Right? So I figured between the two of us, we hit a wide swath.
00:05:45:17 – 00:05:47:14
JD
Probably. Absolutely.
00:05:47:19 – 00:06:07:04
Agent Palmer
But at the same time, had I not known he had anxiety, that would have not been an episode I did write. Like maybe it would come up in conversation here and there, but, like, it feels to me like I’m more than willing to say, hey, I have it too. But I’m very rarely going to be like, hey, I have it.
00:06:07:06 – 00:06:22:22
Agent Palmer
Like, it’s always the response. Like I’m predisposition to respond, yes, you’re not alone, but I’m for me, it’s the conversation starter. That’s the part that’s missing.
00:06:22:26 – 00:06:46:17
JD
And and, you know, you touch upon, you know, one of the other things that that I do and that’s telling your story. That’s a project that I do within Veritas. But you hit upon a point that I think is for a lot of people that. No, I don’t believe, you know, that you have to have this clinical diagnosis for a lot of things.
00:06:46:21 – 00:07:27:14
JD
You know, maybe in the sense that, you know, getting medication for it, if you’re finding that that’s a necessity or, you know, by sitting down with, you know, a therapist and eventually hashing out that that’s that’s truly you put a label on what’s going on. But, you know, for me, for a lot of people, that label isn’t necessarily there to, you know, you know, give you, give you a treatment or make you, you know, do anything, you know, and the, the, the medical realm necessarily, it’s, it’s really there for you and makes you sit there and go, okay, all right.
00:07:27:14 – 00:07:50:35
JD
Well, that explains a lot of what’s going on. I recently talked to somebody that is helping me tell the story of of of being bipolar. A lot of their story that they shared was just that. It was it was all this stuff that’s been going on in their life up until now. And I think they’re like 26, 27 now.
00:07:50:35 – 00:08:11:58
JD
And, you know, it kind of just help explained what was going on. And, and, you know, not not really, you know, made you go, okay, well, I guess I’m, I guess I was okay and doing that. It was really hard in the sense that by doing so, you, you allow yourself the opportunity to go, okay, all right, well, how do I go forward?
00:08:11:59 – 00:08:28:36
JD
How do I manage it? What do I do now. And for so many of us that’s the case, you know. And it’s I don’t know, you can throw a dart at a wall for the reasons why people choose to choose not to, to say anything. You know, it’s. Yeah. Go ahead.
00:08:28:40 – 00:08:56:56
Agent Palmer
I mean, I will say this, my friends and family, for the most part, especially those closest to me, know, about it. And, the closest to me. I gave up to pretense, like, cause. So I think for a long time, the pretense was. What excuse can I give? Like, I don’t travel well, as a result of my anxiety.
00:08:57:07 – 00:09:01:21
JD
Now, I believe that I’m. I’m right there with you.
00:09:01:26 – 00:09:27:43
Agent Palmer
For the longest time, I would come up with excuses. So it was never my anxieties keeping me from it. It’s. I’m double booked. It’s. I’ve got another meeting or it’s, you know, maybe you know, my hobbies, which are fairly important to me, just would always conveniently overlap with a thing that would require me to travel too far.
00:09:27:48 – 00:09:29:24
JD
Yeah.
00:09:29:29 – 00:09:50:28
Agent Palmer
And with those closest to me, I now just go with. No, it’s it’s my anxiety. And part of it is I’m much better than I used to be. As far as certain things that would I my anxiety would keep me from. But I think that’s a for me, that was the biggest step I’ve made in the last decade, probably because.
00:09:50:30 – 00:09:51:12
JD
I yeah.
00:09:51:14 – 00:10:13:51
Agent Palmer
It it used to be all right. So somebody wants me to travel a few hours away and, well, I can deal with the car travel as long as I’m driving. Sometimes I just don’t want to, Or, like, I know that’s going to make me uncomfortable, and it’s, you know, like, it’s that big. Admission is like.
00:10:13:56 – 00:10:26:56
Agent Palmer
I think it’s just too much. Yeah. As opposed to now I’m recording that day. Which, by the way, nobody’s going to double check me on right like that, you know what I mean?
00:10:26:56 – 00:10:28:01
JD
Like you’re safe and that.
00:10:28:12 – 00:11:06:17
Agent Palmer
I have that safety, but I don’t use it with within the people that are closest to me now. But it’s such a weird anomaly because since, the pandemic, and since people are spending more time with themselves and, and not being too busy to understand their own demons or issues, I think a lot more people around me, especially outside of that close circle, have now started to be a little more empathetic towards me.
00:11:06:23 – 00:11:08:43
JD
Yeah, they understand it. Yeah.
00:11:08:48 – 00:11:22:59
Agent Palmer
And it’s it’s very odd because anxiety, like maybe a few, maybe few other things in the world if you don’t understand it, it’s very easy to be like, well, why don’t you just push through.
00:11:23:04 – 00:11:23:38
JD
All right.
00:11:23:38 – 00:11:48:13
Agent Palmer
Because it’s not a broken leg, right? Like it’s not like, oh, whatever. I don’t know, like, I, I guess you’ve been kind of around this. Do you find any, like, common themes? Like. It’s what I’m saying or, you know, unique to me, or is it kind of, you know.
00:11:48:13 – 00:12:23:53
JD
No, I mean, no, I, you know, there are certain aspects, sure, that, you know, you’re on their own, your own demons, your own, you know, skeletons in the closet that are there. But sure. No, there are a lot of those pieces. I mean, I’m sitting here not in my head, that I can be the same way. But I think the the the trouble, the the roadblock for people is similar in the sense that, you know, what it does is, you know, by making those excuses and, you know, internalizing it that, you know, oh, I’ve got this to do or I’ve got that to do.
00:12:23:58 – 00:12:50:11
JD
You know, your and that part is not unique because what’s, what’s happening to everybody that does that is it’s, it’s suppressing whatever that is that is, is causing you to make those excuses. And it doesn’t mean that by by putting that name on it that, oh, I have, I have high anxiety, you know, that it’s going to change that, that it’s going to necessarily go away because you’re right.
00:12:50:11 – 00:13:07:18
JD
I mean, it’s not it’s like telling somebody that’s never swam before to just, you know, just swim when you throw them in the water, it’s not going to work. You know, it’s I mean, you’re going to be frantic and it’s probably going to be worse. Yeah. You may stay afloat for a moment, but you’re not. You know, it’s so.
00:13:07:18 – 00:13:28:21
JD
Yeah, but that’s a lot of what I mean. Like treating it as is probably the, the most like blanketed word to use right there. But that’s what a lot of it comes down to when it, you know, you look at like mental illness is that, you know, we like to slap these catchy labels on it. And for some people it’s okay.
00:13:28:21 – 00:13:36:06
JD
Self-care is unselfish. Got it. You know, it’s okay to not to be okay. Okay. All right. Yeah. You’re right. It’s. And you can say no to that for me.
00:13:36:06 – 00:13:59:16
Agent Palmer
But I love that. Just what you just said. Like I love that because I feel like. For those of us like like I look at myself because it’s what I know the most of, right? Like I was okay not being okay. Well, before that became a thing. Right. Like and I understood kind of what was going on within.
00:13:59:16 – 00:14:02:11
JD
I had I had the shirt made before you even knew was a phrase.
00:14:02:11 – 00:14:14:45
Agent Palmer
Yeah. And it’s, it’s I’m I’m excited. It’s I shouldn’t be right because this I don’t wish this on other people, but I’m excited that other people have come to the table.
00:14:14:50 – 00:14:16:31
JD
Yeah.
00:14:16:36 – 00:14:19:51
Agent Palmer
Because nobody likes sitting at the table alone now.
00:14:19:55 – 00:14:38:41
JD
And. Yeah. And people will tell you that they do, you know, and I mean, my, my, I put myself as an example. My, my brother is probably the most extreme example in my opinion, and he won’t mind me selling it, telling you that, that we both, we both enjoy like being alone. And I’ve said this to my wife too.
00:14:38:41 – 00:15:18:38
JD
I enjoy being by myself for like an hour and then it’s like, okay, this kind of sucks. Like, what am I going to do, stare at my phone here? I don’t really like watching 100 shows. Sure, I’ll go for a run, but to some degree we all need some version of interaction and making those excuses that, you know, I’m double booked or, you know, I, you know, it’s it’s kind of late or whatever you’re saying, you know, you end up going home and looking at yourself, going in, why am I just standing here like, you know, and you know, that’s that’s when the real bad habits, the real demons come out, you know, whatever you
00:15:18:38 – 00:15:45:58
JD
want to fill that in, like you start, you know, ordering out, you know, too many like, you know, too many nights and you’re overweight now, and because you’ve eaten nothing but fast food or you smoked too many cigarets or become alcoholic, I mean, they could just start ramping up. But there’s some version of that for everybody that’s unique that because because you didn’t choose to to to share some part of your story and, and allow yourself to say, okay, this is this is part of who I am.
00:15:45:58 – 00:16:18:22
JD
I’m, I have high anxiety. I’m, you know, bipolar, I’m depressive. You allow other people to a hopefully open up for themselves, but they make you look at you and say, okay, that explains a lot. And I’m, I’m, I’m so sorry that I misjudged this situation. I misjudged you and didn’t didn’t support you, didn’t think, you know, but by by not telling your story and being okay with telling your story.
00:16:18:22 – 00:16:41:44
JD
And there’s certain parts of it that are yours, you know, there’s things that people want to know and things that people need to know and the things that people like, want to know is, are very few. But you can still you can still share your story to the point that you’re comfortable with what what’s what’s going on your life, you know, are you ever going to want to get on a plane or drive very far?
00:16:41:52 – 00:16:44:33
JD
Maybe not. And that’s just who you are.
00:16:44:33 – 00:17:12:56
Agent Palmer
But I also think that part of that is it’s a product of, I don’t know, because I don’t want to make a generalization here, but it’s a it’s a product of attention spans. Right. Like I have no problem sitting here and talking to you for 30, 44 hours, right? Like I have. No I have that capability. I don’t know if the audience can listen for the hours, but I can I can easily you can talk.
00:17:12:56 – 00:17:13:13
JD
Right?
00:17:13:14 – 00:17:40:13
Agent Palmer
You have a conversation with you, you know, no phone. No, no. You know, something on in the background, just me and you. And, Well, what do we talk about? Well, we a lot of times we talk about ourselves or we tell stories or, you know, whatever comes up, wherever this goes. But at the same time, you know, a lot of people just tell me the end.
00:17:40:18 – 00:17:50:07
Agent Palmer
No, no, no, no. Like, we don’t like I. I lament the idea that there are no more 90 minute movies. Okay.
00:17:50:11 – 00:17:51:25
JD
00:17:51:25 – 00:18:11:52
Agent Palmer
They’re all two hours. They’re all these big epics, and that’s fine. But I still don’t want to know the end. Yeah, like. So why, when I’m talking to someone, do they want to go? Well, are you better? Like that’s that. That’s not the story. Otherwise nobody, like cinema wouldn’t be a thing. Everybody would read the last chapter of the book.
00:18:11:52 – 00:18:26:49
Agent Palmer
Everybody would buy the DVD and go to the last chapter. Yeah, like you need to get there. And it’s not always the journey. Like that’s not what I’m saying. But he said interaction, right. And where we go is where we go.
00:18:26:58 – 00:18:55:57
JD
Oh, we’re heart. We’re hard wired as human beings to, you know, to to fill in the blanks of a story. And I think that’s because of how fast information comes at us and where it comes from to us. And you know that we can we can curate our feed however we want to. It tends to, you know, speed things up, you know, I mean, look at how look at just on the basic level, like how we how we consume just, you know, media, right?
00:18:55:57 – 00:19:15:47
JD
Just like if you watch if you’re looking at a show and we’ll compare that to how you, you know, look at, you know, a podcast or even just what you. So in general now there’s a button now that you can fast forward it 30s ahead. 30s behind. Yeah. And it’s a great feature for some moments maybe. But I mean, you could do that with the VHS.
00:19:15:47 – 00:19:18:42
JD
That was it. And there I am, like dating myself. But we haven’t.
00:19:18:42 – 00:19:20:24
Agent Palmer
We didn’t. You didn’t it. You weren’t.
00:19:20:24 – 00:19:46:02
JD
Going. Okay, That’s cool. They stole the car and. All right, so what happens? Is everybody okay? And no, you you use rewind and fast forward because you’re like, well, what? Watch. Hey, hey, dude, watch this part. And you do it over and over. But when it came to watching a show, you, you maybe you walked out of the room for a commercial, but you were praying for that commercial because it’s like, man, I need to go up and get a drink real quick, or I need to get, you know, my popcorn to go to the bathroom.
00:19:46:02 – 00:19:54:17
JD
Yeah, but I’m going to fly backwards and, you know, come here so that I can find out what just happened on the episode. This episode of friends. Yeah. No, I mean, you know, well.
00:19:54:23 – 00:20:30:23
Agent Palmer
I must see TV and I think there’s a part of me that it’s why I still enjoy physical books. Yeah. But also to one of the things that you’re not saying, but you are like, I’ve started reading authors that I like, even if I don’t think the book interests me to expand. Right. Because one of the things about our carefully curated timelines and algorithms and what like is, is Netflix is only going to show me something that’s similar to what I like, but I’m not going to be able to get out.
00:20:30:23 – 00:20:43:27
Agent Palmer
And well, you know, I know, there are people very close to me that might be listening to this that are like, you know, you could expand your horizons by leaving the house.
00:20:43:27 – 00:20:44:17
JD
You could write.
00:20:44:19 – 00:21:02:56
Agent Palmer
It’s it’s a diff that’s a different beast. That’s a beast of a different color. But at least within my house, I don’t want to watch the same things, and I don’t want to just read the same thing. And if you don’t take that chance, like, then your carefully curated.
00:21:03:01 – 00:21:03:26
JD
You dead.
00:21:03:28 – 00:21:08:18
Agent Palmer
Feeds and your lists, like, that’s all you’ll have. Yeah.
00:21:08:23 – 00:21:36:40
JD
You kind of see the, you know, the brokenness that that you are and that point, you know, you’re not you’re not allowing yourself to see a different perspective and hear another possibility, you know, and your world is becomes very, very narrow. And, you know, yes. Is there’s other people that have a real fear of stepping outside and, and having the idea of some, you know, virus floating in the air make it worse.
00:21:36:40 – 00:22:00:38
JD
Absolutely. That’s that’s a thing. And I’m not saying that people need to jump outside and get out of your world and stop, you know, staring at a screen the whole time, you know, entirely. Because that’s a real fear for a lot of people. But you’re not you’re you end up not seeing not seeing the, the, the solution right in front of you.
00:22:00:43 – 00:22:01:47
JD
Well, I mean, the.
00:22:01:47 – 00:22:33:12
Agent Palmer
Other the other weird thing is I am I’m culturally Jewish and not necessarily as practicing as sometimes I’d like to be sure, because I’m always, I’m always kind of a little jealous of people with faith. Yeah. And it it’s really not like. Oh, I don’t have faith, but I don’t have that relationship to it. Sure. But culturally, my mother, is still, you know, I even if it’s.
00:22:33:26 – 00:22:55:44
Agent Palmer
I don’t know, let’s say in Fahrenheit 60 degrees where I don’t think I need a jacket. If we’re going to visit my parents, I’ll take a jacket with me, even if I don’t wear it. So my mother’s, you know, like, so I. And I think that culturally, that’s the same as, like, worrying about the virus you can’t see.
00:22:55:44 – 00:23:00:35
Agent Palmer
Right. And that was the thing that always existed before what we’ve gone through the last few years.
00:23:00:35 – 00:23:01:13
JD
Absolutely.
00:23:01:13 – 00:23:21:11
Agent Palmer
And again, it’s like, welcome to the table. Like there were some of us that were, oh, like, I’m not a germaphobe, but I was still always worried about getting sick. Sure. And like, we we all get sick. Like, that’s a universal, right? Like we all get sick. And you know what you may not be has have as much anxiety as I do.
00:23:21:13 – 00:23:29:20
Agent Palmer
Everybody’s got it like to some level like like you went in for that test in seventh grade and guess what? Your stomach was a little, wasn’t it?
00:23:29:20 – 00:23:31:04
JD
Yeah, yeah. Like I didn’t realize what I was.
00:23:31:06 – 00:23:49:49
Agent Palmer
That’s still eggs, you know, it’s it was not the waffle you had for breakfast, right. Like, exactly. And and we do, you know, aside from getting lost in our own algorithms and our own feeds, we are our own best slash worst excuses.
00:23:49:54 – 00:23:50:17
JD
Yeah.
00:23:50:19 – 00:24:15:15
Agent Palmer
Like, it was just the waffle. I don’t have anxiety. Like it was just that one time when I took a test or when I have a big meeting, right? Like, but you know, I shouldn’t have eaten the hot dog. The street hot dog. Like we will come up with those, like so it’s one of those things where like, I know I’m not unique in the before times like before I was like, know my anxiety is going to keep me from that event of making up excuses.
00:24:15:15 – 00:24:24:59
Agent Palmer
We’ve all done it like I don’t feel well, it it must have been what I ate like, we we we we’re so good at it.
00:24:25:05 – 00:24:52:29
JD
We are we, you know, and mainly because we don’t for the most part human beings like, don’t like not knowing. We’ve we we’re where we we love knowledge and trust me, like I mean knowledge is a fantastic thing. It also is super crippling at the same time. And you know, it, it saves us from worrying about some things that it adds on other worries.
00:24:52:34 – 00:25:09:37
JD
My wife is an oncology nurse and I mean, I say it to her all the time. If we had if we have a 17 month old, we have another one coming in July. And she knows a lot when it comes to medicine, far more than I do and not necessarily about, you know, being pregnant. But she knows a lot.
00:25:09:37 – 00:25:28:46
JD
So she worries a little bit more than I do about certain situations. And that that’s a good thing to me. But for a lot of people that knowing too much, it’s like, yeah, you ate you way to waffle. And it was that waffle. That’s all it is, you know, do you, do you need 5 pounds of butter on that?
00:25:28:46 – 00:25:33:19
JD
And I don’t know, Eggo is fantastic. Good. No kidding. Here’s stomach hurts.
00:25:33:19 – 00:25:58:48
Agent Palmer
But I like I go back to there was an episode of scrubs, where Doctor Cox, after he has his baby in season like four or something, is looking for a pediatric, doctor, and like, the doctor just has a face to face with them, like, okay, you’ve seen some shit. So, like, they know what every little cough or, like, runny nose or fever could be.
00:25:58:53 – 00:26:06:59
JD
But nobody, nobody played that role better than Christopher Maloney. I mean, how do you how do you get the guy from SVU to become a pediatrician? I don’t know, but.
00:26:07:04 – 00:26:08:01
Agent Palmer
But like it’s.
00:26:08:10 – 00:26:09:03
JD
It’s very true.
00:26:09:15 – 00:26:39:39
Agent Palmer
But but that is where our own worst enemies in that scenario. And like I, I know that politically speaking, the idea of quote unquote doing your own research has become more of a meme than it has been an act of, yeah, of of learning. But, you know, I think we’ve reached a point where doing your own research is just code for other things.
00:26:39:39 – 00:27:05:07
JD
Now you’re putting it off. You know you’re not. Is that a broken leg? Yeah, bro. You you didn’t need to Google it. You need to go to the emergency room now. And but people don’t. That’s an extreme. That’s like telling somebody that’s the physical version of telling somebody, hey, I think you might need to see a therapist because now, now it’s real and it might take more than just resting.
00:27:05:07 – 00:27:09:58
JD
Yeah. And that’s, that’s hard for people to come on, like, know all the time.
00:27:09:58 – 00:27:13:44
Agent Palmer
I don’t care what you say. Chicken soup and rest is all I need.
00:27:13:48 – 00:27:14:16
JD
Like.
00:27:14:21 – 00:27:15:08
Agent Palmer
But like.
00:27:15:13 – 00:27:35:57
JD
But you’re right, like I don’t. It’ll go away. You know, it may not, just f I, That’s okay, you know, but that’s there’s a quick fix for everything, and I again, I, you know, I, I might be old school in that, but I think I’m going to be okay with staying old school with that. I don’t want a quick fix for everything, you know.
00:27:35:57 – 00:27:56:52
JD
Do I want my headache to go away fast? Yeah, but, you know, there’s some things that I need to just listen, you you need to pause for a second and really think about this, okay? I won’t jump in and spend that lunch money, or now I. I won’t just, you know, take a diet pill. I’m going to knock off having a soda every five hours.
00:27:56:52 – 00:27:57:43
JD
You know, I think.
00:27:57:43 – 00:28:14:32
Agent Palmer
I think it goes back to your car like, think about your car, okay? You’re driving it all the time. Maybe in speeds in excess of 35 miles an hour. And I bring that up for a very specific reason. If you get an accident over 35 miles an hour, some shit could happen to you.
00:28:14:32 – 00:28:14:59
JD
Yeah.
00:28:15:00 – 00:28:18:56
Agent Palmer
Do you really want the mechanic to do the quick fix.
00:28:18:56 – 00:28:19:27
JD
Now on.
00:28:19:27 – 00:28:33:08
Agent Palmer
Your car? Like, no you don’t. Right. Like, you want them to take their time and make sure it runs as originally intended. Not. I mean, as long as the tape holds, you’re fine.
00:28:33:13 – 00:28:52:14
JD
Right. I was going to say there’s that person to that. Listen, I’m, not depressed. I’m fine. I’ll be okay. They’re the same person that probably their bumper is being held by duct tape, and they think that’s okay. And it’s not until it falls underneath your car, and now you’re just getting off the road, you know? And there’s versions of it everywhere.
00:28:52:14 – 00:29:01:38
JD
And it’s it’s, you know, could go on for days because we want that quick fix. And none of it is a quick fix. It’s hard work and well.
00:29:01:38 – 00:29:29:19
Agent Palmer
We got we got the I mean you and I are both old enough like to, to get to that point where I think one of the things that has ruined us as humans, and I am going to speak generally for a second, is that the speed at which certain things happen has sped up exponentially. Right? So my computer from 30 years ago may have taken a while to warm up.
00:29:29:24 – 00:29:53:05
Agent Palmer
Now I hit a button and it works, right? Yeah. And, if I had a question 30 years ago, it was actually quicker to consult an encyclopedia or a dictionary versus a going on to dial up. Right? Yeah. All of these things have sped up. Guess what? If there’s something broken with my car, it it’s still the same amount of time.
00:29:53:06 – 00:30:07:00
Agent Palmer
Like if there’s something wrong, if my leg’s broken, I still spend the same amount of time in surgery. Right. Like so we’ve kind of gotten spoiled because we try and transitive property everything around us.
00:30:07:00 – 00:30:08:05
JD
Well, you can.
00:30:08:19 – 00:30:21:26
Agent Palmer
My information comes to me so much quicker. Yeah. So why doesn’t my car just fix itself now? Right. Like, or whatever it is. And so we’ve kind of spoiled ourselves.
00:30:21:31 – 00:30:41:32
JD
We are. And we’re, we’re blinded to the, the, the genuine solution. So I’ll give you an example, one that I probably didn’t see coming. It probably debunks the fact that the generational thing, because you would think that by now people older than us would get it. But I was at the gym yesterday. I hear everything and anything.
00:30:41:32 – 00:31:00:39
JD
And there’s this gentleman who by by listening. This is the only reason I could be that specific. 73 and for whatever reason, he started and I have a a my own pet peeves about people talking loudly at the gym to each other, but as a whole nother story. All of a sudden I hear this voice next to me and he’s like, I don’t know why I’m using this machine.
00:31:00:39 – 00:31:21:17
JD
I’m like, is he talking to me? And I look over and I’m like, no, you’re not talking to me. He’s yelling at the woman across from him. Long story short, as they’re talking, he has three kids. The youngest one that he was referring to the most is 16. His wife, I guess, passed away recently within the within the year, I’m guessing.
00:31:21:22 – 00:31:45:19
JD
But he’s talking to this woman who like, again, I can be specific because she felt the need to share her age 87. About the fact that he’s lost a lot of weight. And he initially shared the fact that through all this with the pandemic, his son has lost like almost 40 pounds and blah, blah, blah. And so the the woman at wired up like transferring to a different machine sitting next to her because that’s where I needed to be anyway.
00:31:45:24 – 00:32:00:52
JD
She she goes like, you know, everybody needs to exercise. And I’m like, you know, you should be glad that you’re in here, blah, blah, blah. I’m she’s like, I, she’s like, I don’t eat great. She’s like, I like to eat and I like to bake. She’s like, you know, have you tried have you tried giving it mashed potatoes and gravy?
00:32:00:52 – 00:32:20:17
JD
It. And I wanted to laugh because I’m like, yeah, that’s exactly what would fix anybody back then, because that sounds amazing. I want mashed potatoes, gravy like all the time. But there’s where her head was, right? Yeah. Meanwhile, only ten years ish, younger than she gentleman’s like, you know, I tried this like, he sees a dietitian for the past five months.
00:32:20:22 – 00:32:39:24
JD
I made an this shake the other day with, like, all these fruits and kale and orange juice. Really healthy. And, like, now there’s just a lot of sugar. So it wasn’t really healthy. But anyway, I’m listening and he makes this statement so quick and then keeps going. He says, you know, my wife used to do the cooking. She’s Slovenian I think is where she’s from.
00:32:39:24 – 00:32:58:30
JD
Used to make all these, you know, great meals like Italian meals from a used to always eat it. And now he doesn’t eat. And then he kept going, I keep talking and in my head I’m like, you just you just shared your own answer. Yeah. There’s the reason why your son is having a hard time. He doesn’t need a dietitian.
00:32:58:40 – 00:33:17:26
JD
It’s not because he has no social life and gaming. He needs to see a therapist. You need to listen to him better than what you’re doing. I’m not saying that I have no idea what other conversation he was having with them. Yeah, I’m sure he’s a great father, but he was missing that piece that your son is inadvertently telling you.
00:33:17:37 – 00:33:36:23
JD
He’s. He’s just to keep it simple. He said his mom died. Yeah, and his mom was associated to eating, and so all things disconnected. But we didn’t want to do that. We wanted a quick fix. We wanted go see a dietitian. Why aren’t you eating this hamburger? Oh, he’s got no social life. He never goes out. He’s always playing games.
00:33:36:23 – 00:33:55:12
JD
Well, he’s doing that because he. He’s closed in on himself and that right there I came home. My wife is like, you didn’t say that out loud, did you like. No. But if they brought me into the conversation, yeah, I would have said it because that’s a lot of what’s going on, is that people they want, they’re searching outside for a solution.
00:33:55:12 – 00:34:15:24
JD
And a lot of times, yeah, you might need that. You might need that dietitian. You probably should go see a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you don’t need to be the one to try and fix it on your own either. And, you know, that’s that’s a lot of what is the trouble with with what’s going on in the world.
00:34:15:29 – 00:34:17:01
JD
We’re not we’re not listening. We stopped.
00:34:17:01 – 00:34:36:33
Agent Palmer
Listening. There was somewhere there was another part of that story that hits me, though, which is the generational piece, because exactly, I am. Okay, let’s let’s get into this, I am okay, I am 38, going on 39. I am.
00:34:36:33 – 00:34:38:19
JD
I’ll be I’ll be 41 and two.
00:34:38:19 – 00:34:49:07
Agent Palmer
Months. So you and I are in the same boat. We are elder millennials, not quite Gen-X. We’re in that quote unquote in-between generation now.
00:34:49:12 – 00:34:51:52
JD
We’re like in a canoe between both boats and.
00:34:52:05 – 00:34:58:35
Agent Palmer
And I look at my values as more Gen-X values.
00:34:58:49 – 00:34:59:06
JD
Yeah.
00:34:59:15 – 00:35:32:27
Agent Palmer
But I, I live in a millennial space more more like more than likely. And so I was joking with somebody very recently about my YouTube algorithm feed, okay. Where my algorithm feed, because I watch a lot of YouTube, is a lot of like probably generation X elder millennial type stuff, British panel show things and, and maybe some music videos that throwback to my youth.
00:35:32:27 – 00:35:38:58
Agent Palmer
Right. But I also watch Minecraft YouTubers, right? So.
00:35:39:06 – 00:35:39:24
JD
Right.
00:35:39:28 – 00:36:03:59
Agent Palmer
Yeah, my algorithm is all over the place. If you didn’t know me and looked at my algorithm, you’d probably swear I had kids. Right now. You could see like, okay, that’s what he watches. And then his his kid gets on and watches Minecraft. And so I’m in between this spot. I’m in between this spot, and I look at it like it gives me a little bit of insight.
00:36:03:59 – 00:36:05:51
JD
Like I watch us, I watch.
00:36:05:56 – 00:36:25:09
Agent Palmer
I watch Twitch and I understand the communities kind of form around these streamers and, and, and content creators on a level of what I guess the, the older Gen Xers would say Deadheads.
00:36:25:14 – 00:36:25:32
JD
Yeah.
00:36:25:41 – 00:36:57:25
Agent Palmer
And and there’s a community where if you, you know, maybe based on iconography or other things where if you see somebody, you know, like, oh, they’re in there, they’re in this crew, right? And so from the outside, maybe my parents or your parents see someone sitting at their computer for 12 hours a day. Yeah, but, like, I know that if they’re watching this one content creator, they’re probably in their discord and they’re in their Twitch channel chatting and interacting with other people.
00:36:57:25 – 00:37:24:29
Agent Palmer
Like, I look, I’m also someone who will say there’s no replacement for like just hanging out, but at the same time it’s very yeah, accessible to have a chat with people that are slightly either either super like minded or only slightly like minded from around the world, and then you get more perspective, right? But it’s such a different thing.
00:37:24:34 – 00:37:32:45
Agent Palmer
And listening to your story and like, oh, this. And this different things mean different things, especially to different generations.
00:37:32:45 – 00:37:49:07
JD
And I think we switch somewhere along the way, though, that, you know, when I look at, you know, my parents and their things that I find myself and it’s probably one of the biggest takeaways and one of the things that I enjoy being a middle school teacher is that, I mean, I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want to be, you know, I didn’t think I was super cool either.
00:37:49:07 – 00:38:07:45
JD
But I had my I had my pulse on something. And now when I look at, you know, my parents that, you know, when they, when they, you know, listen to things I might share things that I’m doing that I have to kind of explain, like, okay, hold on. That probably didn’t make any sense because that’s a little bit out of their out of their generation.
00:38:07:45 – 00:38:25:14
JD
So hold on a second. Let me let me help them get it. Let me help them explain it. Yeah. And it’s not everything. Like it’s not anything like over the top, but it’s like I got to slow down my conversation for a second. But I think what happened between the generations is that that phrase of, well, I don’t get it went from I don’t get it.
00:38:25:19 – 00:38:46:20
JD
And that’s okay. You know, help me understand it. I don’t think I’m going to like I think it’s still stupid, but at least, like, at least I, I understand why you you think that’s worth your time. You know, we switched to just saying. Well, I don’t get it. Kids these days are stupid and kids are going to be stupid.
00:38:46:20 – 00:39:09:36
JD
Kids are always going to be stupid. And that’s how they become adults that aren’t stupid. But yeah, we stop that phrase right where like at the end there where it says, I don’t get it and you’re out and I, we have a lot to learn from the extra part of that statement, which is, I don’t get it, but help me understand, you know, there’s a lot, a lot of things that I mean, I do that just between Wi-Fi.
00:39:09:39 – 00:39:26:08
JD
We’re only, you know, two years apart. But certainly it helps me when I start to explain something. And she gives me this look like, that’s just dumb. And I’m like, you know what? You’re right. That is dumb. Or I don’t even get in my mouth. I’m thinking about what I’m going to tell her, and I’m like, this is a stupid part of my day.
00:39:26:17 – 00:39:34:08
JD
Yeah, we’re going to stop doing that, Alice, I feel stupid, but it’s because we stop questioning, like, okay, can you explain that to me?
00:39:34:20 – 00:39:54:52
Agent Palmer
I think really passionately, no. And I get some of that. I think the other part is millennials got such a bad rap for the longest time in general culture that I think they were like, this is ours, and we’re not going to explain it to you. And I think, I think we closed them down by attacking them so much.
00:39:54:52 – 00:40:09:55
Agent Palmer
And I say we but I mean, I’m an older I’m still part of it. And I understood most of what they were going through. But at the same time, I watched them being attacked and was like, I don’t want you to attack me. I’m a Gen Xer, like, I, I made that choice.
00:40:10:07 – 00:40:12:17
JD
I’m on, I’m on your side, man.
00:40:12:22 – 00:40:17:22
Agent Palmer
But like, they got attacked so much, they closed ranks, and it it makes them.
00:40:17:22 – 00:40:18:17
JD
Blame them, right?
00:40:18:22 – 00:40:42:42
Agent Palmer
I you can’t know and. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think Gen X gets a bad rap as well. Because Gen X was slackers, like, we were not supposed to do anything. Right. Like you’re. I look at the poster children for Gen X and I go, all right, well, it’s Kevin Smith, right? Like it’s the guy who just happened to make a movie in his spare time, right?
00:40:42:42 – 00:41:06:19
Agent Palmer
Like he and and we prop them up and it’s like, okay, well, let’s see what happens now. Yeah. But, like, I don’t know, I just, I, I the generational differences, like, astound me. And you know, being in between means that I get the best and worst of everything.
00:41:06:19 – 00:41:07:02
JD
You do, right?
00:41:07:07 – 00:41:19:52
Agent Palmer
Like I and I like I think part of it is we grow up either rebelling against the generation above us, or wanting to be a part of the generation above us.
00:41:19:57 – 00:41:38:52
JD
And eventually we do. We, you know, just a matter of when you get to that point, you know, some some of some people get to that point early on. They’re like, wait a minute. Yeah, I respect my elders totally. Like, you kind of do things weird, bro. But I see where you’re coming from. I mean, I mean, I, I’ve, I know I’ve been defiant to my parents.
00:41:38:52 – 00:41:59:16
JD
I can, you know, I can tell you my brother has done the same. Never to the point that it’s like, you know, I hate my parents, but certainly that natural moment of like, you know, they don’t know what they’re talking about there. They don’t understand. But now it’s like, okay, I get it. Especially then when you became a parent, it’s like, oh, I, I absolutely get and I always, I always wanted to apologize to my parents.
00:41:59:16 – 00:42:25:48
JD
I’m like, listen, I don’t know what all these things I said when I was like, super young. I’m all right. I’m sorry. I got it. And I knew it was coming. I was like, if I ever have a kid, I’m going to pay for a lot of my sarcastic moments. But there are people that never not because you need a kid to do that, but people that never get to that point of, you know, there is some version of the people that came before me that are right, you know, and that’s, that’s a lot.
00:42:26:02 – 00:42:50:08
JD
We’ve we missed the middle ground of of transitioning to the, you know, they kind of slowed down to the speed up, you know, everybody everybody’s at the speed up phase. We missed the middle part of like there’s a version of this that you can speed things up and things that you should speed up. But then there are a lot of things that you don’t need to and should never, try to speed up.
00:42:50:19 – 00:43:08:48
JD
I mean, we, I get, I get something said to me like on a weekly basis that’s like, you know, well, how come you didn’t take a picture of your kid doing this? Or how come you don’t post this at me? Because because I’m not like, I’m, I’m lucky if I don’t, I don’t know. And then I’m like, you know, I don’t like I don’t know how people even get to take the pictures that they do of their kids or the videos.
00:43:08:48 – 00:43:20:11
JD
I’m like, you’ve got to have a glued to your forehead. But I’m like, I didn’t because I’m watching this like this. Fantastic. And I’m then you realize, like, wait a minute, you’re asking me that question, what are you doing?
00:43:20:11 – 00:43:20:58
Agent Palmer
Like, well.
00:43:20:58 – 00:43:23:44
JD
I are you missing every moment of your life?
00:43:23:47 – 00:43:48:31
Agent Palmer
But I think some of that. Is that right? Like, I look back, I spent a semester abroad and I go through the pictures I took, like, now the pictures I took. This was 2000. And so digital papers aren’t a thing. I’m still using an actual camera on film, but the pictures I took don’t include me. Right. Like that’s not a thing that we did.
00:43:48:36 – 00:44:09:28
Agent Palmer
And I look back and I go, I was behind the camera so much. Even like the group photos. Really? Like, I’m not I’m not there. Right. Like. And that’s fine. And I go, I go forward to like, when I was in college, there aren’t that many pictures of me in college. Again, I either had the camera or we were in it.
00:44:09:33 – 00:44:10:41
JD
We were in. It’s. Yeah.
00:44:10:47 – 00:44:24:45
Agent Palmer
And and now, I occasionally take a photo with my phone. But you won’t like I it’s I try to actively put my phone down.
00:44:24:48 – 00:44:25:39
JD
So.
00:44:25:44 – 00:44:31:40
Agent Palmer
I don’t need it. I’m not addicted to it. I know.
00:44:31:40 – 00:44:36:20
JD
I could if I could unlearn the smartphone, I, I genuinely.
00:44:36:24 – 00:45:00:19
Agent Palmer
I really, I like, I, I put it down because I can’t not check it. So like I put it down and then I go to another room. Right. And then I like, watch TV and I’m fully engaged in the program. I’m watching because I don’t have my I there’s nothing else. And that’s important. Like when I read, I don’t read with my phone out like that, that would be too much for me.
00:45:00:19 – 00:45:06:26
Agent Palmer
I, I, you know, let let let’s just do this thing and part of that’s us.
00:45:06:40 – 00:45:34:02
JD
Yeah. And, and a lot of people will tell you like how come you don’t take pictures of yourself like how how come like on your, you know, your social profiles. Not because it but for starters like I, I don’t I don’t love me that much. If I’m being honest, but, I might I would tell you something different, like, and I’m absolutely enamored with myself, but I don’t I and then so it’s like, and that’s a lot of what I realized through the, the years of running my own business.
00:45:34:02 – 00:45:51:04
JD
And, you know, as I kind of morphed into to what I’m doing with my podcast, it’s like, wait a minute, wait a minute. Like, none of this is about you, like, what are you doing? And so it never makes sense for me, like when I see that on people’s profiles and it’s like, wait a minute, you’re a trainer?
00:45:51:09 – 00:46:11:01
JD
I don’t I don’t want to see your abs. Like why you’re eating pizza. Like, how is that helping me? Like, what is what is the what is the what is the the purpose here? What am I doing? And we miss that I think in life or we or what it’s doing is masking the fact that we’re missing, you know, something in our life.
00:46:11:01 – 00:46:25:57
JD
And that’s not to say the people that take a lot of selfies are, you know, depressed, depressed and have all these problems. They might be outside of the fact they’re taking all those selfies. But there’s something to be said about, like living in the moment and what that really means. I there are hundreds of time and I’ve never been.
00:46:25:57 – 00:46:48:38
JD
This super phone is attached to me. It’s always there. But for me, I would call it that. I’ve had a problem with being by my phone now. There are days like, I’ll come in this house and like an hour later I’ll be like, shit, where? Fuck, I left my phone in the car. Like, who does that? You know, like that and that and like, you know, to be completely attached to everything.
00:46:48:38 – 00:47:04:44
JD
Like my watch will warn me, like, So we’re not tracking your phone anymore. Like, damn it, we’re, Hold on. Got about shoes on to go get my phone out of my car because it didn’t matter to me anymore. And I’m like, you know, that’s great. Or I get agitated when my phone tells me that my screen time is now, like four hours for them.
00:47:04:44 – 00:47:07:53
JD
Like in it. What was I doing? You know.
00:47:07:55 – 00:47:33:32
Agent Palmer
See, and I, I, I think that that there’s a healthy balance to that that like. Yeah okay I don’t, I don’t need it like I look I am probably not unique to me, but like, I know that I’m in a minority. This I will take my computer over a phone any day. Like I want to experience things bigger.
00:47:33:32 – 00:47:49:43
Agent Palmer
And it’s not like my eyesight’s going or anything, but like, I type better on a keyboard than a keypad. And I don’t use Twitter to doom scroll. I use Twitter to communicate and and engage. Right? Like so. I’m using it for different reasons and well.
00:47:49:50 – 00:48:00:05
JD
It has a finality to it too. You know, you you physically can turn that off a little bit differently than I thought. God help us. If we ever told somebody like to turn off their phone.
00:48:00:05 – 00:48:17:05
Agent Palmer
Well, I don’t know how, but but God forbid something happened. Jade. Nobody can. I don’t have a home phone like I don’t. I don’t have a landline anymore. Right. Like, and and you and I are of that generation where, like, that was a big deal.
00:48:17:10 – 00:48:20:57
JD
Oh, I still remember my my home phone number as a kid. That’s how important it was, right?
00:48:21:09 – 00:48:35:49
Agent Palmer
I still I still I still remember it. Yeah. Absolutely. The it’s. Well, it’s been this way. We moved when I was like ten, so I don’t remember the, the, the that one, that one, but the, the one from like middle and high school.
00:48:35:54 – 00:48:36:32
JD
Yeah.
00:48:36:37 – 00:48:44:46
Agent Palmer
It’s still ingrained into my head like, in fact I, I think I still know my best friend’s phone number from college.
00:48:44:55 – 00:48:46:26
JD
Yeah.
00:48:46:30 – 00:48:48:02
Agent Palmer
Because it was a lot of.
00:48:48:15 – 00:48:49:05
JD
You had to.
00:48:49:09 – 00:48:58:43
Agent Palmer
Yeah. And, and and like, like, does anybody like, do you know your wife’s phone number?
00:48:58:48 – 00:48:59:18
JD
I do.
00:48:59:29 – 00:49:01:38
Agent Palmer
Okay, but I was.
00:49:01:38 – 00:49:24:07
JD
Expecting I actually stunned the lady at the pediatrician the other week. I was the one of the first and only appointments we’ve ever done by ourselves just because scheduling wise, like it wasn’t her day off and couldn’t figure it out. The lady goes, what’s your wife’s name? And you know, certain names. She’s like, in a very inquisitive, like, do you know your wife’s phone number for the account?
00:49:24:07 – 00:49:29:34
JD
I’m like, yeah. And I rattle it off and I’d swear she gave me this look like, Holy crap, I’d.
00:49:29:34 – 00:49:31:42
Agent Palmer
Have to look it up. I thought I’d.
00:49:31:42 – 00:49:33:09
JD
Have handled it.
00:49:33:14 – 00:49:44:28
Agent Palmer
That’s that’s like a eight star a plus for you. Like that? Super impressive. Like, I, I think my parents still have the landline, so I know that number.
00:49:44:33 – 00:50:07:58
JD
That’s my parents. My parents got it, and I thought that was the craziest thing. So they moved here closer to us last year because we had a kid, and I never thought they’d do that. I lived in Charlotte, North Carolina for like, almost all of my life, 30 years. And I want to say maybe, maybe like five, ten years ago, they just they were like, listen, we don’t need a landline because it was attached to, you know, everything like cable and internet.
00:50:07:58 – 00:50:27:46
JD
Like it was like one bundle like thing that they did. Yeah. It was really that it was like paying too much and they were like, we’re we’re going to cancel it. And I just remember thinking like, can you do that? Like, does my child get erased with that? Like, that’s crazy. But, you know, it’s just funny. I mean, we’re just so we’re attached that it’s a hard pill to swallow.
00:50:27:46 – 00:50:43:50
JD
I mean, I have it set, and it’s probably one of the greatest things I’ve ever done with my mind is my phone turns off, like, you know, it goes into, like, a dark mode at a certain time. And I sent that, and it was a panic for a while. It’s like, well, hold on, I’ve got two, two elderly parents.
00:50:43:50 – 00:51:00:36
JD
I’ve got a brother that doesn’t live here like my wife is right here. And you know everything. But she would answer the phone. Her does it. But what happens if. But you don’t realize that there are other safeguards. Like if you need an emergency, somebody can call you. They don’t need to like, text you, but you don’t need 5000 notifications going off.
00:51:00:41 – 00:51:02:23
JD
So and I think apps and I think.
00:51:02:23 – 00:51:08:36
Agent Palmer
Most phones, if somebody calls twice in a row will override almost anything.
00:51:08:43 – 00:51:29:29
JD
And so we forget that we’re so hard wired to think like, oh, I need this right by my side. And that’s probably why you enjoy the laptop. I mean, that’s there. And there’s where it started. When I was teaching for the like the last five years of it, I decided to myself, like, when I leave here because you could, you could teach and deal with teaching 24 seven unless you do it yourself.
00:51:29:36 – 00:51:48:04
JD
I would genuinely put my hand on top of the laptop and go, okay, it’s 430 when you close. Is there anything else that you need to do right now? Nope. It’s shut and it’s done. And I’ve transferred that to now, you know, in the past five years working for myself when this thing turns off, when I shut it down, like that’s it for me.
00:51:48:04 – 00:52:11:25
JD
And that’s a relief. And I mean, so when you said that, you know, I like being on a, like a, you know, a desktop or a screen in front of you. And I can totally relate. And then there’s why? Because for me, mentally, I could shut that off and my wife would tell me, like thousands of times, like, you know, if you need to do something like, you know, after, you know, our son comes home or, you know, when I come home from work, like you can’t, I’m like, no, you don’t understand.
00:52:11:30 – 00:52:25:03
JD
When it’s whatever time of day I’ve chosen, you know, whether it’s 4:00, 5:00, that’s it. Like I have to. And for a lot of people, I think, I think they don’t. They think they have to content creators especially. Right. We have to be on. We have to.
00:52:25:03 – 00:52:26:17
Agent Palmer
Have I every.
00:52:26:17 – 00:52:35:36
JD
Social media account. We have to be tweeting and posting and and I just I quit like within the past year. I quit all of those. I think I’m down to just Twitter and a personal Instagram.
00:52:35:45 – 00:52:36:38
Agent Palmer
Yeah, I.
00:52:36:39 – 00:52:38:28
JD
Barely touched that one.
00:52:38:33 – 00:53:01:28
Agent Palmer
By trade. Like professionally, I’m a digital marketer, so I can’t plug on everything. Like I still need to have a Facebook account to run a page for a client and stuff like that. But like I, I, I log into it maybe once a month, just to see like, oh, they race again, right? But I don’t use it. And I, you know, I use Twitter.
00:53:01:28 – 00:53:14:23
Agent Palmer
That’s it. That’s the one I use. Right. And everybody’s like, well you’re always on Twitter. Yeah. But it’s still like I’m, I’m not sometimes on Twitter and sometimes on Instagram and sometimes on TikTok and sometimes on Facebook. I’m always on one.
00:53:14:28 – 00:53:14:53
JD
One.
00:53:14:53 – 00:53:31:03
Agent Palmer
Which is probably less time than you spend on all of them. Right? Like, so like, I get it, but like, there’s a part of me and I’ve only started this recently, like the job I have is a part time job, and the episode that preceded this is with my boss.
00:53:31:08 – 00:53:32:31
JD
And oh, nice.
00:53:32:36 – 00:53:58:12
Agent Palmer
We’re recording this before that released, obviously. So, like, you don’t know this and if anybody’s listening to this that didn’t hear it, my boss has a very, very segmented look at you work but you don’t work 24 seven. Like even though the hours can be whatever like you don’t you don’t work like. And so, you know, I’ll send an email at four and be like, you know, I’m gonna go start cooking dinner or whatever, right?
00:53:58:12 – 00:54:21:05
Agent Palmer
And it’s like, all right, that’s fine. I’m at 4:00 on Friday, like, have a good weekend. Yeah. And I’ve started to and because that’s part time and I can edit this show during the day, I’ve started trying to take my nights and my weekends back. Now, look, this is a hobby and I still prefer to record on an evening, so I’m not interjecting with other people’s wrestling.
00:54:21:07 – 00:54:21:23
JD
Right.
00:54:21:23 – 00:54:41:38
Agent Palmer
You know, but for the most part, for the past few months, my nights and weekends have been filled with nothing, for lack of a better term. Right? Like I’m reading, I’m bored, I’m doing chores or whatever, but I’m I’m not working. Even though my hobbies, my passion, I’m not doing it because I want to stop.
00:54:41:43 – 00:54:45:27
JD
And that’s and that’s important for a multitude of reasons. But, you know.
00:54:45:27 – 00:54:47:08
Agent Palmer
You need I need to recharge like.
00:54:47:08 – 00:54:48:33
JD
A mental health more than anything.
00:54:48:34 – 00:55:08:18
Agent Palmer
Well, that’s the thing. I look back and I realize that at my height, I had a full time job that was a little over 40 hours a week. I mean, it was a full time job in that, you know, I had to be there at 830 and I could leave at five. You don’t always leave at five. You don’t always get there at 830.
00:55:08:18 – 00:55:27:10
Agent Palmer
Right. And being in digital marketing, you end up, you know, maybe doing a little bit extra in there on the weekend or whatever. But then I would come home. This was in my single days, and then I’d podcast, I’d have dinner and I podcast for 3 hours or 4 hours or, or I, you know, have a break.
00:55:27:10 – 00:55:38:48
Agent Palmer
And then I, I’ve got some West Coast friends and I’d podcast at like eight to midnight and then do it again. I don’t know how I did that other than I was younger then. Like that’s the only thing I can look.
00:55:38:48 – 00:55:40:22
JD
Back over little more mental stamina.
00:55:40:32 – 00:55:45:02
Agent Palmer
And now now I don’t know what I was avoiding then either. Like, it’s like.
00:55:45:02 – 00:55:48:04
JD
This, right? I was going to say, there’s something there too, right?
00:55:48:09 – 00:56:10:31
Agent Palmer
I mean, that’s that’s why we, we see like the, the, the, the last few year of people being forced to be home, forced to spend time with themselves, like, like, oh, I was just avoiding stuff. I was just busy to avoid stuff. And I’m not that. But I also go, like, it’s good to rest, like it’s good to relax.
00:56:10:36 – 00:56:32:47
JD
Sometimes we take it a little too far and, you know, it becomes laziness. But yeah, I mean, it’s you have to whether whether you’re, you know, single, married, married with kids, there’s some, some version of resting that that being off. I mean, totally off that. And that doesn’t mean you have to, you know, go off the grid, but, you know, you you have to turn things off.
00:56:32:58 – 00:57:02:02
JD
There’s nothing, nothing. They can’t wait until tomorrow. I think some, some customer support centers like take that a little bit too extreme. But you know that I take pleasure in like when I email somebody, you know, they’ll maybe have like so I have it in my to, you know, I’m available in these hours. Or you know, they’ll tell you that, you know, as a company like, you know, they’re their hours are not on the weekends like they, you know, they they’re business hours of these.
00:57:02:02 – 00:57:23:10
JD
And I’m like, that’s great. That’s great. You know, because I even have a bad habit of doing that. I I’ll look at and be like, listen, I sent you an email yesterday. You’ve had 24 hours to respond to this, you know, you know, you forget that there is a life there. And so you have to kind of like, balance the two.
00:57:23:15 – 00:57:35:20
Agent Palmer
Yeah, I, I worked I worked in marketing and my boss, my former boss, used to tell me this isn’t a hospital. Yeah, it can wait till tomorrow. Yeah, like you can go home now.
00:57:35:25 – 00:57:50:41
JD
There are people that realize that, and there’s people that are there for that, that are, you know, 24 seven, you know, but there’s there’s not I mean, you know, just on the health front, I mean, my, my wife’s like I mean, she sees that all the time, you know, it was you know, what she does. And it’s even the hair.
00:57:50:42 – 00:58:11:50
JD
It’s just like, you know, people like messaged it like, you know, 4:00 on a Saturday afternoon to the, you know, the their my chart. For their doctor. And it’s like, hey, hey it’s the weekend. And it does say somewhere in there that you’re not going to get a response, but it’s like something serious that you go listen like you don’t need to like send me a message.
00:58:11:50 – 00:58:24:00
JD
Like, I’m, I’m obviously not going to get this until I go to the hospital. Like, this is an emergency because we we forget that people are. Well, there’s there’s a human being involved there, you know, from both ends. Well, you.
00:58:24:00 – 00:58:48:37
Agent Palmer
Know, I think that that’s the key, right? Like we always forget there’s a like when you’re yelling at customer service, like, that’s a person. Like when you’re yelling at your doctor, like that’s a person. They need to recharge too. I mean, you just you don’t want a tired doctor, right? Like, you mean go back to the lazy like the mechanic who can fix it in 30s like you don’t want the doctor who hasn’t had sleep well.
00:58:48:42 – 00:59:17:12
JD
Or the pilot who didn’t, you know, take a day off like now. Nope nope nope nope nope. But that’s I mean, that’s a whole nother conversation. But, you know, it’s just it goes back back to the all the, you know, what we’ve been talking about. It’s the same thing as this. We want these like quick fixes whether we’re, you know, on a personal level, you know, on a business level, you know, and it there’s so many examples within a day alone that drive me off the wall because it’s like, listen, are you and I there are some moments where I’ve said it to people like, you know, customer service.
00:59:17:12 – 00:59:38:25
JD
I’m like, I’m an employee, but I’m like, are you? Did you read the previous thing like, because if you did it, like, I swear, I don’t know if you saw me like tweeted, I know what I did, but I’m fairly certain that somewhere they had a conversation about customer service and customer service. The phrase turned into customer is at fault.
00:59:38:37 – 00:59:57:20
JD
Like there’s no hey. And I’ve watched the the IT crowd. I get it like, you know, did you turn it on computer on and off? Yeah. Sure. I understand that you have to get those things out of the way, but somewhere in there you have to realize, like, listen, this is not a quick fix of me just going, oh, you know what?
00:59:57:25 – 01:00:19:18
JD
I was an idiot. I should have emailed you. I’m so sorry. There’s no, there’s a there’s there’s probably like, the bad, like the negative result of being too quick. You’re not even paying attention to the fact that your job title is customer support, and you are dealing with a customer. I don’t care if they’re this is a free service or I’m paying $500 a month.
01:00:19:23 – 01:00:27:52
JD
Some version of that is a human being and they need they need they need your help. Here.
01:00:27:57 – 01:00:33:20
JD
You.
01:00:33:24 – 01:01:03:25
Agent Palmer
That’s a lot. It’s not a heavy episode per se, but it’s not one of the light ones either. And if you’ve made it this far, thank you for listening. I think that it’s important to not just speak with advocates like Jade, but to speak to people like me who live with mental health anxieties. I keep going back to episode 13 with Neil, where we both told vastly different stories about how our anxieties came to be, but we deal with it similarly, and we’re both open to talking about it.
01:01:03:30 – 01:01:35:31
Agent Palmer
It’s one of the reasons that my DMs, like JD’s, are always open. We want to be a resource, not necessarily a professional diagnostician or even a, an expert, but just someone you can talk to. To reiterate, self-care isn’t selfish. Neither is talking about your own mental health. But there was a lot of other stuff that came up in this episode, specifically how Jade spoke at the very beginning about the difference between help and support.
01:01:35:36 – 01:01:56:24
Agent Palmer
It has made me think more about the importance of words. I do want to help people, sure, but I think I’d much rather support them. And in retrospect, to some of the projects I’m currently involved in, I would say I am supporting much more than helping. Based on his definition of both parties being more or less equal, as opposed to one being weaker.
01:01:56:29 – 01:02:19:42
Agent Palmer
And of course, I can’t let you go without revisiting the part of our conversation, but how the speed of information has become faster in some things, and yet the speed of some others hasn’t sped up equally, or perhaps at all. Yet our perspective has changed to expect that everything be fast, or at least faster. Take a breath. Take a moment.
01:02:19:46 – 01:02:41:13
Agent Palmer
Sure, sometimes the speed at which things happen is great, and other times the panic of the need to have whatever it is now induces more anxiety than had you just waited for it. I’m not saying you have to be laid back all the time, I’m just saying you don’t necessarily need to have it all and have it now.
01:02:41:17 – 01:03:03:50
Agent Palmer
Relax, take a couple of deep breaths and while you’re doing that, I’ll get out of the loop. I’ve got myself stuck in. Thanks for listening to The Palmer Files episode 67. As a reminder, all links are available in the show notes. And now for the official business. The Palmer Files releases every two weeks on Tuesdays. If you’re still listening, I encourage you to join the discussion.
01:03:04:02 – 01:03:31:08
Agent Palmer
You can tweet me at Agent Palmer, my guest JD at JD underscore the Jedi. That’s JD underscore Jedi or this show at the Palmer Files. You could find more information on JD and Veritas fit at Veritas Sitcom that’s been written sitcom or by listening to JD host the Dark Days Bright Nights podcast. Email can be sent to this show at The Palmer Files at gmail.com.
01:03:31:13 – 01:03:40:44
Agent Palmer
And remember, you’re home for all things. Agent Palmer is Agent palmer.com.
01:03:40:49 – 01:03:54:26
Unknown
You.
01:03:54:30 – 01:04:01:37
Unknown
See?
01:04:01:42 – 01:04:22:07
Unknown
These.
01:04:22:12 – 01:04:24:47
Agent Palmer
All right. Do you have one final question for me?
01:04:24:48 – 01:04:44:00
JD
I do, so we established that we’re generally around the same age. Yes. And so I always like to look at those generational pieces, and especially when it comes to technology, because there are days where I just can’t stand technology. Tell me what you miss the most about VHS tapes.
01:04:44:05 – 01:04:45:55
Agent Palmer
Blockbuster.
01:04:46:00 – 01:04:46:20
JD
What’s it.
01:04:46:25 – 01:05:00:10
Agent Palmer
Like? It’s go out. It’s it’s the experience of going to the blockbuster on a Friday night with a group of friends and just yelling across the blockbuster like, hey, do you want one of these? How about.
01:05:00:10 – 01:05:01:21
JD
This?
01:05:01:26 – 01:05:09:30
Agent Palmer
No, no, no, we watched that last week without you. How about this? Like that experience? Oh, like you can’t agree on anything. Let’s just get on there.
01:05:09:32 – 01:05:15:38
JD
Stay out of there. All out of that movie. Man. That just came out yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
01:05:15:51 – 01:05:22:40
Agent Palmer
That’s that’s it though, man. Like I, I miss that experience of arguing about it.
01:05:22:44 – 01:05:34:19
JD
Because it becomes overwhelming now. You know, it’s just I can watch anything any time. Great I guess. But it’s still not like you don’t get to miss out on it. It’s not like it’s gone.
01:05:34:24 – 01:06:00:10
Agent Palmer
No it’s no, no. And and the other thing is like, you you the I guess it’s very underrated now because there’s so many avenues for this. But like every blockbuster had one employee that knew movies like there were plenty that were there for the paycheck and it was a decent job. There’s always one guy there that could suggest something to you.
01:06:00:10 – 01:06:06:25
JD
He had something. No, I mean, I totally had the. I can see myself that.
01:06:06:30 – 01:06:07:07
Agent Palmer
Look, I.
01:06:07:09 – 01:06:19:05
JD
Thought you’d walk in it, like, know exactly where that movie was or when the new releases, like, you knew before you even got, like, 20ft to, like, damn it, there’s no it’s not as thick. They’re all. They’re all gone. It’s just the display damage.
01:06:19:14 – 01:06:28:37
Agent Palmer
Yeah. No, I, I mean, the other thing is I, I recently watched the recently within the last year, I watched the documentary The Last Block the Last Blockbuster.
01:06:28:37 – 01:06:29:16
JD
Yeah. It was great.
01:06:29:16 – 01:06:50:14
Agent Palmer
And it was just it’s it like it takes you back. Like the moment they they’re go, they go in there like you smell it, like you feel the lights already and you like it. It was a part of our, our like childhood. I guess the other part is we thought we were so grown up.
01:06:50:19 – 01:06:51:19
JD
We did.
01:06:51:23 – 01:07:12:47
Agent Palmer
We? I mean, we weren’t, but we so thought we were grown up and and it I will say, even like the last time I remember going to a blockbuster like towards the end, it wasn’t the same with DVDs because there’s something about the size of a, of a VHS that like, you can’t.
01:07:12:47 – 01:07:15:41
JD
Just like you checked out the whole story. Yeah. Three movies.
01:07:15:45 – 01:07:28:45
Agent Palmer
Yeah. You, you you can’t just casually carry that or whatever like that. There’s some heft to it. And cracking the plaster and snapping it back together. Yeah. No, that’s.
01:07:28:49 – 01:07:44:17
JD
That’s it was, you know, if that was, if you were out of like, say you went in there, you know, to get, you know, a specific new release or whatever, and that wasn’t there, but, you know, your friends were over or whatever. Like, that was your movie night, you know, with your family like you, either you had two choices.
01:07:44:17 – 01:08:06:11
JD
You either were like, well, I guess we’re not have a movie night or we’re going to watch something we have at home or you were like, well, I heard this one was good. And you, you branched out and you found something else, you know, now it’s like, well, you suggested this one to me or I’m going to put all these in my watch list, and now I’ve got nothing but these, and they don’t even suggest it anymore.
01:08:06:12 – 01:08:26:43
JD
Like, you know, whatever you’re talking about, you know, Disney Plus, Apple TV, like, they don’t there’s, there’s they have their own suggestions and it’s like, wait a minute. Like you have to, like, dig. You have to find like even music. You have to like find where you can browse categories just to, you know, venture out now. It’s like, you’re.
01:08:26:43 – 01:08:30:04
JD
No. Now that was a good I didn’t even think about that one.
01:08:30:08 – 01:08:50:15
Agent Palmer
Well, and don’t forget they also put series right next to movies. Right. So you may like this. And it’s like, well, yeah, I want to watch it. I want to see the end in less than two hours. I don’t have six hours for this six episode mini series. Like, I just want to see something happen.
01:08:50:20 – 01:08:51:16
JD
Something to see happen to.
01:08:51:18 – 01:09:08:21
Agent Palmer
Like, let it. Yeah, I it that’s it. I don’t, I don’t I mean obviously I don’t miss rewinding. I don’t miss tracking. You know, these are the things I do not miss, but the, the blockbuster. Well, or the movie rental, you know, some people had their own local ones because I was that experience.
01:09:08:28 – 01:09:13:31
JD
Yeah. Or but I mean, I, I generalized it to. But it’s the same thing. You’re right. Yeah.
01:09:13:36 – 01:09:17:14
Agent Palmer
That’s it. That’s that’s what I miss.
01:09:17:19 – 01:09:18:22
JD
I like it, I like it.
–End Transcription–
This transcription was processed by PalmerTech 3.1 and may contain errors for HUMINT (human intelligence).