Exercise like a Bad-Ass Agent A Training Guide

A Special Report by Agent Ellipsis

So you think you’re cut out to be an Agent, huh?

Being an Agent is more than wearing a sweet suit and saving the kitten from the tree! You need to have muscles! You need cardio! You need to be fit!

Are you up for the challenge? I hope so, recruit!

Below are some tips to get you started in your journey to being the most bad-ass Agent out there.

1. Start small

You can’t expect to go into the field and be Jackie Chan, recruit! You need a foundation of habit before you can truly become great. If you’re not used to training, the best thing you can do is start small.

When I was a young Agent, I was injured in the field. I took a SPECTRE bullet to the back, and couldn’t wait to get out in the field again! When our agency’s doctor cleared me some time after, I began walking as exercise three days a week. I started with light dumbbells and slowly worked my way up to heavier weights and six days-a-week training in about six months. Consistency is key!

Field work isn't as easy at it looks

Field work isn’t as easy at it looks

Starting small prevents injury, so take your safety seriously, and don’t forget to use proper form. Our agency’s recommended gym-free workouts come from BodyRockTV.com. They are 15-20 minutes long, perfect for on-the-go training in the field!

2. Use MyFitnessPal

There isn’t much time in the field to count calories, but if you download MFP in your transmitter, you can get a better idea of your eating habits. This app makes tracking nutrients, calories, and macros a breeze so you can focus on a quick getaway.

Agents are not required to diet! We understand that diets are psychologically ineffective, so aim for healthy choices 80% of the time, and whatever you want for the other 20%. With your strenuous training regimen, your weight will naturally take care of itself. If you’re interested in more information, feel free to Google “Flexible Dieting” or “If It Fits Your Macros.”

3. Don’t Forget to Hydrate!

Agents cannot run on soda and coffee alone! Be sure you’re drinking an ounce of water for every pound you weigh. Water has a myriad of benefits, including, but not limited to:

  • Clear skin
  • Aids in digestion
  • Helps prevent migraines
  • Increases metabolism

Water also has 0 calories, which means it’s great for your waistline. If plain water is too boring for your sophisticated tastes, add some lemon or lime juice to give it a kick. Your body will thank you!

4. Do Activities You Enjoy, and Set Goals

If you don't enjoy running, try swimming

If you don’t enjoy running, try swimming

When you’re not in the training simulator, be sure to choose exercises and activities you enjoy. Balance is essential to being a secret Agent, so if you don’t enjoy running, look into swimming or cycling instead. If you enjoy an activity, exercise will become an enjoyable part of your day.

Also, don’t be afraid to set goals for yourself! Participate in a Spartan Race or the annual Agent Games!

Setting goals can provide motivation when you feel like you’ve run out. Plus, accomplishing goals can do wonders for your confidence as a citizen and an Agent.

5. Don’t Beat Yourself Up! Progress Takes Time

Recruit, this is where things get tough. Even though fitness can be a very physical effort, it also takes great mental effort and toughness. To be clear, you will fuck up. You will be so tired from your duties that you will forget to workout. Or, you may end up eating your body weight in Oreos after a particularly rough assignment.

Exercise Like a Bad-Ass Agent

Exercise Like a Bad-Ass Agent

These things will happen, and it’s okay! Becoming an Agent and having physical and mental discipline is not a linear journey, but rather messy and can take a considerable amount of time. Getting down on yourself serves no purpose. Be realistic! It takes time and a lot of sweat, but the confidence, strength, and better health you get in return is worth the struggle.

Be patient, and don’t forget to take some Agent Progress Selfies. Pictures can show your progress better than a scale can, and having a fellow Agent that supports you can be invaluable!

So there you have it, recruits! These tips can help you in your journey to becoming the best secret Agent you can be, but ultimately the work is all on you! See you in the training simulator, and don’t forget that we have an Agent Picnic on Saturday. BYOB!

Agent Ellipsis is a writer, techie, and wife. She’s currently on a top-secret mission in Fayetteville, NC with her husband and their Yorkie, Rowdy. You can follow her mission log on Twitter @BinaryBombshell, or at ParalyticProcess.deviantart.com.