By the power vested in Laura

Episode 158 features Laura Eppler who I’ve known for quite a while and who’s become a very good friend.

She’s here on the show to discuss her second career as an officiant. In fact, just over one year ago from the release of this episode she married Stef and I in our backyard.

We discuss that second career, plus boredom, writing, and divert into a tangent or two…

Mentioned and Helpful Links from This Episode

Laura Eppler, Celebrant on Facebook

Meet the Stershics Part II: I Do

AgentPalmer.com

–End Show Notes Transmission–

–Begin Transcription–

00:00:00:01 – 00:00:21:25
Agent Palmer
Previously on agent Palmer dot com. Another cup of coffee with me. Agent Palmer. What’s next? Taught me even more about West Wing’s legacy, and Kevin continues to share old handhelds with new audiences. This is The Palmer Files episode 158 with Laura Eppler, who I’ve known for quite a while and who’s become a very good friend. But she’s here on the show to discuss her second career as an officiant.

00:00:21:27 – 00:00:45:10
Agent Palmer
In fact, just over one year ago, from the release of this episode, she married Stefanie in our backyard. We discussed that second career plus boredom writing and divert into a tangent or two. Are you ready? Let’s do the show.

00:00:45:15 – 00:00:58:34
Unknown

00:00:58:39 – 00:01:05:22
Unknown

00:01:05:27 – 00:01:06:01
Unknown

00:01:06:01 – 00:01:23:24
Agent Palmer
Hello and welcome to the Palmer Files. I’m your host, Jason Stershic. Also known as Agent Palmer. And on this 158th episode is Laura Eppler. It feels like I’ve known Laura forever. I know that that’s not the case. She’s known my parents for a long time, and I know in recent memory when I was first out of college, which may not be so recent anymore.

00:01:23:26 – 00:01:43:00
Agent Palmer
I networked with Laura, and since then, through eventually working with her husband, Ed, we’ve become very good friends. Our friendship and the knowledge that Laura retired and in her second career or sunset career, if you will, became an endorsed humanist celebrant, is how and why Stefanie chose to reach out to her to help us become a happily wedded couple.

00:01:43:11 – 00:02:00:45
Agent Palmer
This you’ll hear about and how she views her role as an officiant. Plus, the act of writing, reading, being bored, being bad, and much, much more is all coming your way shortly. But first, remember that if you want to discuss the episode as you listen or afterwards, you can find all related ways to contact Laura and myself in the show notes.

00:02:00:50 – 00:02:22:02
Agent Palmer
You can see more about Laura and contact her on Facebook by searching Laura Eppler celebrant, or by clicking the link in the description. Don’t forget, you can see all of my writings and ratings on Agent Palmer, dot com. And of course, email can be sent to the Palmer files at gmail.com. So without further ado, let’s get into it.

00:02:22:07 – 00:02:43:35
Agent Palmer
Laura. Approximately a year ago, in the backyard of the studio we’re in right now. You married my wife and I. If I go back, say, 20 years and tell you, Laura, one day you’re going to marry me in my backyard. Are are you? First of all, are you believing me?

00:02:43:39 – 00:02:47:40
Laura Eppler
I wouldn’t fully believe you, but I wouldn’t fully disbelieve you.

00:02:47:46 – 00:02:58:17
Agent Palmer
Okay, so you were open. You would have been open to it. Yeah, but it’s not something that was a, like a checklist. This isn’t like. Oh, I want to be an officiant. I want to now do this stuff.

00:02:58:19 – 00:03:26:06
Laura Eppler
I was looking at knowing me when I retired. I wanted to have some kind of joy job retirement gig because I, I that I function well with a little structure in my life. Okay, so I actually took an online test on like kind of side hustles and, and wedding officiant interestingly, was the top rank thing, which kind of shocked me because I never would have thought, but it almost sounded preposterous to me.

00:03:26:20 – 00:03:53:46
Agent Palmer
Yeah. It doesn’t, it seems like. Well, I mean, and I’m, I’m of that generation where the at least the first I’m of. I didn’t know anybody above me in that generation that knew people that were like, oh yeah, I just had my buddy go online and get ordained so he could marry us, right? Like, I think it was my kind of cohort that it wasn’t a lot of people, but there were a couple people that were like, oh yeah, no, I just went online to get ordained so I could marry my friend or whatever.

00:03:53:51 – 00:04:10:08
Agent Palmer
And so it’s a little bit more realistic now, but even still, what were you were you hoping for something when you took the test? You were you were hoping you’d be like author or like travel. Like, or were you just taking the I need to know what to do next?

00:04:10:13 – 00:04:31:55
Laura Eppler
Well, I was really open to something because I did for my whole career marketing. I, you know, my role at that point, I was doing a lot of technical writing and marketing for high tech companies, so which I enjoyed, but I wanted something a little different than that. I didn’t want just continuation because I think all of us end up part by choice, a lot by chance in some career path.

00:04:32:00 – 00:04:47:31
Laura Eppler
And I think that there are there might be a lot of things in us that are left untouched. Okay. You know, that could be really interesting in terms of fulfilling whatever potential reaching for the brass ring, whatever you want to call it. Yeah. So I just said, well, what would be fun to me? I wanted to make some money.

00:04:47:35 – 00:05:10:22
Laura Eppler
Yeah. But the money wasn’t the primary driver, and it was just it was kind of surprising to me. It was, and then I thought, well, I know how hard it is to start an early stage firm, so I wonder if there’s anyone else doing this now. Right. So that’s why I did some research and serendipitously ran into Lehigh Valley celebrants as a leader in the Lehigh Valley with that kind of thing, and reached out to the owner.

00:05:10:22 – 00:05:28:59
Laura Eppler
We had coffee, and she happened to be looking for someone to to take on some more work. She has a team of four or 5 or 6 officiates, and we just hit it off. And it was a feeling I remember asking her, do you want me to bring my resume? And and she just said, it’s not about your resume, but you know, that’s right.

00:05:29:04 – 00:05:30:00
Laura Eppler
That’s what I was coming for.

00:05:30:01 – 00:05:47:19
Agent Palmer
That’s what you’re coming from. But there was a list of results, right? So like what? Like, do you think now you’ve done it. This is, this is your second your sunset career, your second career. You whatever. Like what what were the also like what else could you have been doing. Do you remember?

00:05:47:24 – 00:06:08:59
Laura Eppler
I don’t even remember. It really appealed to me, partly because it was a little preposterous, like like I kind of enjoyed the reaction of people. And I said, yeah, I’m going to be a wedding officiant. And to your point, because I’ve been doing this since 2018, so it’s quite a while now. Yeah. To your point, it wasn’t that common that people usually look to religious individuals or justice of the peace or a judge or something like that.

00:06:09:01 – 00:06:26:51
Laura Eppler
Yeah. And when I got married, I, I those were kind of the only two options. I had been to, I think one wedding. I don’t even know if I did, if anyone was being ordained. But the online people, the quality varies a lot. Some people are very good at it, a lot aren’t a lot, don’t know what they’re doing.

00:06:26:51 – 00:06:46:27
Laura Eppler
And a lot of times, even if they their heart is in the right place, there may be no one member of the couple far better than than the other. Yeah. So they’re talking unwittingly more about the one individual they know better. So there’s a lot of there’s a lot more to it than I think as a guest of a wedding, we would now there’s just a lot to it.

00:06:46:32 – 00:06:53:22
Laura Eppler
And having in it after a while, like, I can see it. I can see it as a, as a guest. I can see there’s just so many things to you.

00:06:53:31 – 00:07:04:12
Agent Palmer
So when you go to weddings now that you don’t officiate, like do you inside baseball it are you Josh? Are you completely just lost in like okay, I would have maybe said.

00:07:04:17 – 00:07:22:28
Laura Eppler
I got to fight that Jason I got I got to fight that. Because I want to be supportive and I want to go in with love and openness because that to me, when I think about why I feel like I’m pretty good at this, it’s because, you know, I’m, I’m a, a strong enough writer. But more of it is I’m really like into it.

00:07:22:28 – 00:07:40:31
Laura Eppler
And I’m really joyous for the couple on I think people feel that like, you know, not only because, you know, I’m smiling, but I seem to be having fun. There’s like an intimacy, but yet a performative nature to it. Sure. But I it’s hard to not have. I think all of us evaluate other people that do the same thing that we do.

00:07:40:31 – 00:07:58:06
Agent Palmer
So here’s you. There is an amount of not only performance, but like it’s public speaking. And I know you were in marketing, but like if I go back like high school, Laura, are you on the stage like is there any performance in your background?

00:07:58:08 – 00:08:16:39
Laura Eppler
Oh yeah, I was on the debate and speech teams. Okay. High school, I never did, drama intriguingly, but I always I’ve always been a little bit of a him. I did, as I think you know, I did the stand up. I took a class in stand up through Coach Quest. And, you know, that takes a special kind of courage.

00:08:16:39 – 00:08:20:13
Agent Palmer
So you weren’t. So you were never a I.

00:08:20:13 – 00:08:39:22
Laura Eppler
Mean, no, I didn’t have the fear of publics. Okay. Yeah, it wouldn’t be a great career for. I mean, I’m a I’m somewhat of an extrovert, but also I’m just I know some introverts that do this. It’s like it. You either like some people would rather die than go up there and present a wedding, but there is an element that it’s not really us.

00:08:39:22 – 00:08:51:00
Laura Eppler
As much as we’re talking prop like, you’re there to elicit an emotion. It’s not about you. I even dressed dress in a way that it’s not about me. Like I dress appropriately, of course, but I’m not.

00:08:51:00 – 00:08:56:33
Agent Palmer
I guess you’re trying to blend in. You’re trying to blend in with the furniture, basically.

00:08:56:33 – 00:09:16:00
Laura Eppler
Kind of. Yeah. On the other hand, I want to be likable. I want them, I want the guests to say, I really like her. She really knows the couple she’s making me. This is what I really love. She is making me remember feelings about my partner that were long forgotten that we need to renew like that. To me, that’s that’s the best compliment.

00:09:16:00 – 00:09:23:38
Agent Palmer
And you, you evoke that obviously, because having done it for us, like you, you met with us I think twice.

00:09:23:53 – 00:09:34:31
Laura Eppler
I don’t varies by couple. Usually it’s like, you know, we know each other well, but a lot usually it’s an online meeting to to see if I’m right for them and then another online meeting right before the wedding.

00:09:34:40 – 00:09:41:01
Agent Palmer
And so you got our origin story, which I’m sure you’ve heard lots of origin stories.

00:09:41:01 – 00:09:43:59
Laura Eppler
Now I have, more than 150. Yes.

00:09:44:08 – 00:10:00:37
Agent Palmer
So do they. And they, they’re, I would assume most of the time, all fairly unique. We’re not talking like, maybe every like a different is the grains of sand, but like, not a lot of these cannot be similar. Like very few of these can be similar.

00:10:00:52 – 00:10:29:24
Laura Eppler
Actually it’s interesting because there’s you’re right, everyone’s different. But there’s a lot of a lot of lines of similarity, okay. Among them. And honestly, like when I get, you know, I got a lot out of you guys. But when some couples you just, you know, don’t like to provide information, there may be more reluctant to share things about themselves or they or they don’t like writing, you know, because I do ask for some written responses that people can give as much or as little as they want.

00:10:29:27 – 00:10:42:07
Laura Eppler
Yeah. So I can after having done this so many times, I can get a hook and kind of build on it, you know, and I’m usually right, like, you know, just because I’ve done this so trying.

00:10:42:20 – 00:10:44:50
Agent Palmer
It with practice or with,

00:10:45:00 – 00:11:00:57
Laura Eppler
Repetition. Yeah. So someone will say something like, you know, a lot of times it’s the man that’s more reluctant to speak a lot. So because, you know, men are kind of not told to be openly romantic and vulnerable, it’s just kind of part of.

00:11:01:06 – 00:11:31:05
Agent Palmer
It’s, well, it’s usually, you know, not to put too fine a point when Laura leaves, I’ll be romantic with Stef, right? Like I’m not going to say what I would say. I’m not going to recite poetry when Laura is here, you know, as an example. Right? So, like, there’s just a level of intimacy. That or intimacy is one thing, but there’s a level of romance that is kind of behind the intimacy door, where it only happens when it’s the two of us.

00:11:31:10 – 00:11:33:16
Agent Palmer
As an example, in most cases.

00:11:33:16 – 00:11:43:20
Laura Eppler
Oh, really? Yeah. But I it’s also a very romantic day and everyone has different levels of what they’re willing to display to their friends and family. I interestingly and you’ve.

00:11:43:20 – 00:11:57:18
Agent Palmer
Done for before we go further, you’ve ours was very small. I think there were I’m trying to think there were 12 people. There were ten. I think there were eight people actually, including you. And you’ve done bigger, right?

00:11:57:18 – 00:11:57:43
Laura Eppler
Oh, gosh.

00:11:57:45 – 00:11:59:35
Agent Palmer
Have you done smaller than that?

00:11:59:40 – 00:12:00:53
Laura Eppler
I’ve done just a couple.

00:12:00:53 – 00:12:05:38
Agent Palmer
Okay. So you’ve done basically from like 2 to 200 ish.

00:12:05:38 – 00:12:25:19
Laura Eppler
Yeah. Okay. So then bigger like I’ve done 250. Like which is, weirdly not as different from the two as you’d think because it’s really about I mean, I’m aware that there’s like other people, but it’s, there’s really about me in the couple. I don’t even really occasionally I’ll look when I’m addressing the guests. Yeah. But, I am kind of.

00:12:25:19 – 00:12:38:13
Laura Eppler
And this is the ham and me. I kind of like it when there’s a lot of people because it’s like, yeah, I’m putting on this like someone, you know, maybe I’m affecting because that’s honestly what I want to do is like, bring more love into the. This sounds so corny. So that being.

00:12:38:14 – 00:12:46:09
Agent Palmer
Said, it doesn’t sound corny, but I will say, like, there’s a part of me that like, I don’t like being in front of crowds.

00:12:46:14 – 00:12:47:36
Laura Eppler
Oh, and I respect that. And also.

00:12:47:37 – 00:12:49:34
Agent Palmer
People don’t. That’s one of those things where it.

00:12:49:34 – 00:12:50:08
Laura Eppler
Worked for you.

00:12:50:08 – 00:13:03:05
Agent Palmer
Perfectly right. Well, that amount of people like, you know, like, yeah, if we had had 200 people, we would have known them all. But I, you know, I don’t think at a certain point that matters. It’s just like there’s 200 people.

00:13:03:10 – 00:13:23:35
Laura Eppler
You feel like you’re, Well, funnily enough, when we were getting married, I was very young. I mean, I was I was just shy of 24. And I remember referring to the guests as the audience. To like to the, you know, to the people I was I’m like, well, where it is the audience, that’s it. And they’re like, they’re not the audience, they’re the guests.

00:13:23:47 – 00:13:27:46
Laura Eppler
But I felt like they were the audience. And I felt very much like.

00:13:27:51 – 00:13:28:40
Agent Palmer
You’re on display.

00:13:28:42 – 00:13:43:52
Laura Eppler
I felt like I was kind of going through the motions. Not that I don’t love and adore my husband, but it felt a little like I didn’t. I wasn’t as present and into it. I mean, I was a child and I did, you know, like, what did I know? But I mean, and I loved him and I wanted to marry him.

00:13:43:52 – 00:13:49:34
Laura Eppler
That wasn’t the issue, but I, I wish, I, I wish I could have married those, you know.

00:13:49:34 – 00:14:03:51
Agent Palmer
That that makes sense. I mean, here’s the other thing. There is, maybe now with the prevalence of not only social media, but media, movies, television, like there is an expectation of a wedding.

00:14:03:53 – 00:14:04:26
Laura Eppler
Oh, gosh. Yeah.

00:14:04:27 – 00:14:32:09
Agent Palmer
That is I mean, we did it. Eight people in the backyard, right? And that’s what we wanted to do. And there were plenty of people that were like, well, you know, you could make it, it could be bigger. So I, I’m a I’m aware it can be bigger. We don’t want bigger. That’s not about that. But like, do you find that that I don’t want to say false narrative but like that media myth of like, well, this is the big wedding.

00:14:32:09 – 00:14:37:42
Agent Palmer
And everybody, like we were in baseball jerseys, we weren’t in a wedding. And it talks, you know, like in addressing the talks.

00:14:37:42 – 00:14:57:57
Laura Eppler
I’ve done start I’ve spoken Klingon in some of my weddings, okay? I mean, you know, that’s what I think I offer as a professional officiant because I can really cater it to the couple. I love weddings of of all kinds. And I to me like that. That’s what it’s about. Like, whatever feels right to you bigger doesn’t mean better.

00:14:57:57 – 00:15:23:12
Laura Eppler
Bigger doesn’t mean it’s any more likely to be a strong marriage. And a lot of people don’t don’t like that, like it. There’s a stage fright. And there is like, we make it really hard. I wanted to share a point. Last winter I married a couple and the guy was like, the the woman wrote all these beautiful, flowery personal vows and that the guy could only could be cajoled to say, I do like that was all he was saying.

00:15:23:17 – 00:15:42:24
Laura Eppler
And then at the last minute, he asked if he could sing to his wife instead of one of the readings. I’m like, well, that’s lovely. It just I was like, I hope it was. It was a small wedding. There were maybe a dozen people kind of like the size of yours. And he sat down and he, he he sang I Can’t Help Falling in Love with you.

00:15:42:26 – 00:15:43:02
Agent Palmer
Okay. Yeah.

00:15:43:02 – 00:16:01:11
Laura Eppler
Which is a really. And he’s he’s looking at her intriguingly. And, I was like, astounded, like, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that romantic. So it was this kind of really aloof guy that just wasn’t into the romantic stuff, but that was his language.

00:16:01:11 – 00:16:01:51
Agent Palmer
That was his way.

00:16:01:55 – 00:16:22:50
Laura Eppler
That was his. Those were his vows. Okay? The idea was to fulfill the legal requirement because I don’t know if singing that song equals fulfilling the lease, but, I mean, he affirmatively wanted to marry her. Yeah, but so to me, like, that’s kind of the universe trying to teach me something all the time. And I’m constantly even 150, 160 weddings later, I’m still learning.

00:16:22:55 – 00:16:42:53
Laura Eppler
I’m still learning that I need to stop looking at people making judgments. I still need to realize that there’s so many different love languages and to not, you know, to not. And I you know, I don’t think I’m prejudiced about it, but I really just feel like I’m still learning all these things from my couples and all these different ways to love.

00:16:42:58 – 00:16:49:52
Agent Palmer
So I have to ask you, your career was in marketing, right? What did you go to school for?

00:16:49:54 – 00:16:54:02
Laura Eppler
Marketing. Okay, I got undergrad and grad and MBA marketing.

00:16:54:02 – 00:17:07:47
Agent Palmer
So were there any I mean, based on what you just said in a, in a, in a twist, a little bit, you like sociology? Did you take sociology courses like you enjoy? I enjoy human nature. Yeah, people.

00:17:08:00 – 00:17:14:51
Laura Eppler
I majored in marketing because I was driven by fear, and I knew I could get a job fresh out of college. Like I was.

00:17:14:51 – 00:17:19:00
Agent Palmer
Driven by fear that like, if you had done writing, you wouldn’t have gotten a job writing. Yeah.

00:17:19:00 – 00:17:34:20
Laura Eppler
I mean, I was very still am very pragmatic. So if I, if I majored in psych, I would have loved to major in psych or Social. But then you need to get a graduate degree. And my dad said he’d pay for undergraduate. Graduate. Turn me. And I didn’t want debt when I graduate.

00:17:34:20 – 00:18:00:14
Agent Palmer
No. Look, it makes perfect sense. I mean, I, I, I talked about this recently, though. I mean, episodes kind of all blur together for me about, like, you know, college was great, but I think subconsciously one of the reasons that I was like, yeah, I’m not doing that again was because I, I was too comfortable, like in a collegiate setting where all you have to do is get up and go to class, like, oh, like read a book, right?

00:18:00:19 – 00:18:11:00
Laura Eppler
It gives you four years to kind of have fun. As long as you get good grades, like you can’t, you got to get the work done. But I mean, it’s a really fun time. I be in college for my whole life. If I could.

00:18:11:01 – 00:18:14:55
Agent Palmer
Yeah, I’d be a professional student. Yeah. Professionals doing that would be wonderful.

00:18:14:55 – 00:18:25:39
Laura Eppler
But it’s fun. And it it illuminates I. The reason I went with marketing is to me it was the the intersection of the Venn diagram between business and the I can get a job in. Yeah. And it’s like.

00:18:25:44 – 00:18:26:09
Agent Palmer
Okay.

00:18:26:20 – 00:18:35:53
Laura Eppler
Because and I thought about medicine but I don’t like you know, I don’t like the, the gross stuff associated with medics instead, you know, and I want to see people at their best. I’d rather.

00:18:35:57 – 00:18:41:01
Agent Palmer
Well, that’s definitely not medicine. You’re not seeing people at their. At their worst maybe, but not exactly.

00:18:41:01 – 00:18:59:34
Laura Eppler
So with that, you know, when you’re in the business world, especially, then, you know, people were spiffed up, right? They were they’re nice clothes. They just took a shower that morning. Everyone was presenting their very best selves. I love that Camelot nature of the business world. Okay. Like, like let them do their gross things at home.

00:18:59:39 – 00:19:10:20
Agent Palmer
It’s it’s no, it makes perfect sense. So along the way though, right. Like one of the reasons I think you enjoy this and we touched on it a little bit is you get to right.

00:19:10:25 – 00:19:11:27
Laura Eppler
Right.

00:19:11:32 – 00:19:28:34
Agent Palmer
Obviously interview I guess there’s some journalism that you would have learned along the way, some PR obviously from the marketing side, but like, have you always enjoyed writing? Has that been, a through line since college? Because obviously what you do now.

00:19:28:39 – 00:19:29:49
Laura Eppler
Is you write and perform.

00:19:29:49 – 00:19:37:11
Agent Palmer
Yeah, you have to, but you have to like the writing part. I don’t think the the performance part is enough to sustain you. If you didn’t like writing.

00:19:37:11 – 00:19:54:29
Laura Eppler
No, but a lot of it and it is a lot of writing. And the answer to that is, as any writer will tell you this, it’s a love hate relationship. Okay? Like, like I’m and I’m not a procrastinator. You know me well. I go after stuff with almost a vengeance to get it done and get it off my plate.

00:19:54:34 – 00:20:02:19
Laura Eppler
Like writing to me like, oh gosh, I have to write it. I have to write it. But then when once I’m in it, once I’m in the flow, like, it’s super fun, but and I.

00:20:02:22 – 00:20:03:26
Agent Palmer
Mean, when you get in the.

00:20:03:26 – 00:20:16:21
Laura Eppler
Flow. Yeah, but and you have to force yourself and, you know, the muse, she can be. She can be difficult to find. She’s a fickle muse. Yeah. So the writing part is both my favorite and least favorite part.

00:20:16:21 – 00:20:39:30
Agent Palmer
All right. So I have to ask because I, from experience, I’ve reviewed books that were similar to each other and I’ve had trouble being like, well, I already said this once, and I know we talked about like, you know, every couple’s different and their origin stories are different. But at the end of the day, there’s a joining together.

00:20:39:35 – 00:20:54:34
Agent Palmer
How do you write in a way where you’re not like, well, I used this last week or I use this last month, like, how do you tweak that stuff so you’re not just repeating you’re no one else knows, you’re repeating yourself. But like, I don’t think you want to know.

00:20:54:34 – 00:20:56:45
Laura Eppler
I get bored with it. I mean, is.

00:20:56:45 – 00:20:59:45
Agent Palmer
That what it is? Just it’s a it’s a you don’t want to be bored, so.

00:20:59:59 – 00:21:22:46
Laura Eppler
I don’t want it like like one of the things that I’m pitching to them is that it’s a full of unique ceremony. So I might have a sentence or I say a few sentences like, sometimes I’ll write something and it just feels very inspired. I’m like, wow, I’d love to use that sentence again. Okay, so that’s the thread of similarity, but I don’t have like a, you know, like a template that I just take this paragraph, this paragraph, you know.

00:21:22:48 – 00:21:36:17
Agent Palmer
I’m just thinking like, because I know that like if I, if I’m reviewing like a spy film, sometimes I’ll start writing something like, well, this is this is definitely something I’ve written before, like, I have to and I won’t even go look for it. I’ll just be like, you.

00:21:36:17 – 00:21:36:49
Laura Eppler
Know what in your.

00:21:36:49 – 00:21:42:37
Agent Palmer
Brain that has to get thrown away? Like, even if I’m misremembering, it’s like, that’s too close to something I’ve written before.

00:21:42:42 – 00:22:04:11
Laura Eppler
Yeah. And there are there’s a lot of overlaps, like there’s a lot of similarities and differences. And it does get hard when you’ve written a ton of them. Yeah. But I have a low tolerance for boredom, which is really good because it keeps it unique, because I, I can’t just do I don’t know how. I mean, some of it, it’s literally take a template and just insert a different and that’s fine if that’s what works for everyone.

00:22:04:11 – 00:22:08:46
Laura Eppler
It’s not what I want to do. Yeah, but they just insert it. I would get bored out of my mind.

00:22:08:51 – 00:22:29:58
Agent Palmer
So I have to ask then, as a short aside, I when I bought the house and moved in, I kind of got away from blogging for a bit, mainly because I bought a house. You know, I painted. Yeah, there’s all these other things. I was like, I’m going to make it a priority. I’m going to sit down.

00:22:30:03 – 00:22:39:23
Agent Palmer
And for the next year, it was called my year of content. Instead of writing one post a week, I would do two posts a week, and for 52 weeks, two posts a week.

00:22:39:28 – 00:22:41:26
Laura Eppler
I I in for. That’s what I got.

00:22:41:26 – 00:22:58:39
Agent Palmer
Overachiever it did. It was not $100, more like 112 or 120. Right. Like yeah. So I over achieved and then at the end of that year it was a rotating year. It didn’t start in January. I was like, I’m going to take a week off and I’m not just going to take a week off, I’m going to take a week off from work and a week off from the blog.

00:22:58:39 – 00:22:59:33
Agent Palmer
I’m just going to take a.

00:22:59:38 – 00:22:59:54
Laura Eppler
Week.

00:22:59:54 – 00:23:26:03
Agent Palmer
Off, total week off, do absolutely nothing. I lasted 70 less than 72 hours before I was like, I have to write something again. Like I just it was the pure, the hankering. It was a I, I think it was a boredom thing because, I’m, I’m a I don’t want to I don’t think it’s just creative because I can get away with doing things that aren’t creative, like just busywork.

00:23:26:08 – 00:23:46:35
Agent Palmer
But I had set, like this decree in my brain that was like, all right, I’m not going to do anything like, I’ll read, I’ll watch movies, but I can only do I’ll be entertained, but I can only do that for. So I learned in that 70. I can only do that for so long before it’s like, no, it’s time to do something.

00:23:46:39 – 00:23:50:53
Agent Palmer
And I equate that to boredom because you’re just trying to fill the time.

00:23:50:53 – 00:23:56:27
Laura Eppler
We as humans need balance. Too much fun becomes. Hedonism is not a good state.

00:23:56:27 – 00:24:04:15
Agent Palmer
But it wasn’t even, like great. Like I was just, you know what I mean? Like, it wasn’t all fun for the like, I watched a couple document, like it was just things to keep.

00:24:04:15 – 00:24:06:16
Laura Eppler
You, but you wanted to get something done.

00:24:06:21 – 00:24:07:54
Agent Palmer
That’s the thing I, I well.

00:24:07:55 – 00:24:08:48
Laura Eppler
I’m right there with you, but I.

00:24:08:48 – 00:24:19:50
Agent Palmer
Didn’t know that at the time. Like, I just it was just like, oh, that’s what you know what it was. That’s what other people do. That’s what normal, normal people take time off and they get away from these things.

00:24:19:54 – 00:24:43:36
Laura Eppler
Well, is it nature or nurture? That’s the question. Like, I personally think that we as humans. But maybe I’m just projecting my I mean, we as humans want to get something done, even if the thing is emptying the dishwasher, something accomplished that puts you ahead. This was actually one of the hardest parts when I had when I was a young mother and had to I mean, showering was the accomplishment of the day.

00:24:43:36 – 00:24:44:09
Laura Eppler
Yeah.

00:24:44:14 – 00:24:52:54
Agent Palmer
I, you know, as did you know, as the father of a young child, I guess, like, there’s always something to going on and like, you know, there’s a balance.

00:24:52:59 – 00:24:55:51
Laura Eppler
Keeping the child alive for the day is an accomplishment.

00:24:55:55 – 00:25:19:31
Agent Palmer
Okay, so that’s one, but I don’t but I don’t, you know, it’s low hanging fruit goes I don’t know that that’s enough. I also need to get some writing done or some editing done. Like there’s always more. And for those of us that have more than that or that calling for more, it’s like I always equate it to boredom because it feels like just sitting around doing nothing.

00:25:19:45 – 00:25:41:16
Laura Eppler
I think that’s individual proclivities. I have a strong hankering to get stuff done, okay. And you do as well. Some people are cool with relaxing for a day like I have trouble. Even if I’m on vacation. I want to make sure we get something done, like see something or do some something. I mean, get something done could be having an experience.

00:25:41:16 – 00:25:45:29
Laura Eppler
It doesn’t have to be unpleasant. In fact, it’s usually pleasant. Most of my life is.

00:25:45:29 – 00:25:57:47
Agent Palmer
Pleasant, I was going to say, but to the same tune. Like, I mean, people listening may be like, well, writing doesn’t sound exciting to me, and editing doesn’t sound exciting to me, but it is exciting to me.

00:25:57:52 – 00:25:59:44
Laura Eppler
And it feels great when you get it done.

00:25:59:49 – 00:26:06:39
Agent Palmer
Well, that’s a whole different ballgame. Like the idea of checking off the to do list or whatever it is that they do, that is way.

00:26:06:39 – 00:26:30:50
Laura Eppler
Too much fun. We I hate cleaning the house. I don’t know if I can adequately convey how much I love having a clean house. I don’t like the act of cleaning, okay, but I like when it gets to a certain point and it’s never you. You’ve seen our house, it’s never really dirty, but I feel like it hasn’t been does it hasn’t been vacuum in a while and then I it’s almost blissful to me after we do it and I hate it, you know, and you have that chemical smell or whatever the vinegar smell.

00:26:30:55 – 00:26:44:21
Laura Eppler
Then you shower and you have this clean house. You don’t have to do it for a while longer. Take your shoes off when you enter the house, it keep it clean as long as you can. So the act of accomplishing is huge to me.

00:26:44:26 – 00:26:47:19
Agent Palmer
But it’s not enough to make you do it more often now.

00:26:47:19 – 00:26:52:57
Laura Eppler
So my job is to keep it as clean as possible because I want it to at all times. Be clean.

00:26:52:57 – 00:27:06:35
Agent Palmer
Well that’s. Yeah, I also there’s also, for, for this house. I’m I’m with you. I don’t like cleaning, but there’s another like maybe asterisk to that, which is keep it organized.

00:27:06:35 – 00:27:06:58
Laura Eppler
Yeah.

00:27:07:06 – 00:27:19:10
Agent Palmer
So that when I do eventually have to clean, I just have to wipe down the thing. It’s not like moving 50 billion things in order to do the thing. Yeah, or I can just vacuum. I don’t have to move 800 things.

00:27:19:10 – 00:27:19:27
Laura Eppler
Yeah.

00:27:19:32 – 00:27:48:55
Agent Palmer
Just. And so it’s the keeping it organized. It it reminds me of many years ago, I got dropped in on by a podcast. A friend of mine brought his podcast to my house unannounced. And it was it was wonderful. But it was also very surprising. But there it was. It was four guys that came over and we said they, you know, Bill brought all the all of his mixer and his stuff, and we did it live from my dining room.

00:27:49:00 – 00:27:58:27
Agent Palmer
And I don’t know if it was on air or maybe after or before, but Bill’s like, your house is really clean for not knowing we were coming. And I was like, well, I.

00:27:58:31 – 00:27:59:12
Laura Eppler
That’s how.

00:27:59:16 – 00:28:02:49
Agent Palmer
I hadn’t dusted. Like I hadn’t vacuumed, but it.

00:28:02:54 – 00:28:03:55
Laura Eppler
It’s always orderly.

00:28:03:55 – 00:28:06:26
Agent Palmer
But it’s all or it’s, it’s organized and, and.

00:28:06:26 – 00:28:08:50
Laura Eppler
You know, you don’t have dishes in the sink at all times and all.

00:28:08:50 – 00:28:12:35
Agent Palmer
That. Yeah. And that’s, that’s for me. That’s like the upkeep. That’s like the.

00:28:12:40 – 00:28:32:04
Laura Eppler
Same, same. I want to step back though, because you were talking about what I love about the officiant. Yeah. And that part that I think when I, what I love about it is I really love kind of probing and learning about people and having fun with people. Like when I meet with a couple that, you know, like I work with, we have hourly celebrant.

00:28:32:04 – 00:28:44:19
Laura Eppler
So I get a referral from Donna, the owner, and then I’ll reach out to the couple. I’ll share them because honestly, our price point is, is higher because it’s a lot more than it’s a lot of customers.

00:28:44:19 – 00:28:47:21
Agent Palmer
It’s not just do you do you you’re married.

00:28:47:21 – 00:29:01:47
Laura Eppler
Oh gosh. Yeah. There’s so many and having experiences and you had an elopement like when you have like a huge event with 250 people and they want lots and lots of love story. It’s very time consuming. Yours was was kind of a modification because you don’t want those.

00:29:01:55 – 00:29:03:57
Agent Palmer
Big long I wanted it simple, right. Yeah.

00:29:04:02 – 00:29:15:47
Laura Eppler
So it’s perfect for yours. Honestly, like a full meal deal for an allotment. Feels weird. Just like a very, like a ten minute wedding if you have 250 people. Feels weird all that.

00:29:15:47 – 00:29:33:07
Agent Palmer
Well, so you say that. And I’ve been in those 250, ten minute weddings, and there’s not an unhappy face when the bride and groom walk down 12 minutes after the bride walked in, right. As opposed to the three hour ones. Oh, gosh, no one’s happy, right? Leaving.

00:29:33:07 – 00:29:51:45
Laura Eppler
But one of the things that and I completely agree. And honestly, we get a lot of couples who, because of their faith or whatever, the ceremonies are very long and they just don’t want something that long. But there’s actually research on this. And 22 to 28 minutes. Is the ideal length shorter? Feels like, wait, what just happened?

00:29:51:45 – 00:30:18:47
Laura Eppler
I got married in in, like, 13 minutes. Okay? Not only I felt that way, but a lot of the guests were like, wow, that was so quick. And we included someone saying and someone read something. I think it just was very quick. It was a very short ceremony. And I remember thinking, Holy heck, what just happened? Whereas 22 to 28 minutes, my goal and I can tell when a wedding feels long, like I’ve done enough of these when I’m rehearsing them.

00:30:18:51 – 00:30:40:19
Laura Eppler
Yeah, I’ll say to the couple, this feels a little bit long. I recommend you delete Xyzzy. Yeah, but what I love about it is that, you know, so after, after like, I get the interest, I get the interest, I share my praise because honestly, that’s a big objection. Not that it’s an insane price, but we’re not at the bottom of the market if you’re looking for a bargain, I’m not your officiant.

00:30:40:23 – 00:30:56:35
Laura Eppler
But if you’re looking for someone who really cares about you and the ceremony is going to be memorable, and people are not going to be looking at the bar wishing I’d shut up so they could get a drink. Like, that’s not what I get. I get people leaning in and thinking, Holy hack, she really knows this couple.

00:30:56:40 – 00:31:09:13
Laura Eppler
Holy hack, I forgot all these feelings I had about my partner. Wow. I didn’t know that. Well, he. There’s a little giggle. They’re not at the expense of the groom. I’m not one of those people who just beats up on the groom. I hate that.

00:31:09:15 – 00:31:10:40
Agent Palmer
You could have. You know me.

00:31:10:40 – 00:31:35:33
Laura Eppler
Well, yeah, but that’s not me. And despite the demeanor, you are a good guy. I would never do that. But, But I love the salesmanship, if you will. Like, when I meet them, I sit and it’s usually about an hour. An hour and a half if there’s enough interest. If we don’t get along, I would say 99% of the time if, frankly, if they are willing to talk with me, I land it because it means they’re willing to pay.

00:31:35:38 – 00:31:37:27
Laura Eppler
Yeah. You know, I don’t mean to be crass, but.

00:31:37:27 – 00:31:47:27
Agent Palmer
And they’re also willing to talk like if, if you’re I mean, kind of like a bad podcast. If you get yes or no single word answers.

00:31:47:31 – 00:31:49:41
Laura Eppler
There’s you’re you can’t do much.

00:31:49:44 – 00:31:59:22
Agent Palmer
What can you I like yeah. Oh yeah. There’s great stories here. He met her. Yeah. And she said yes. Like it’s not really.

00:31:59:22 – 00:32:19:09
Laura Eppler
There’s not much there. The proposal story is he got done when he said, but there’s always people don’t realize it. But what they don’t realize is unique or cool is unique or cool. People are very interested in the behind the scenes of people’s lives, because there’s so much performance now on reels and on Insta.

00:32:19:14 – 00:32:20:20
Agent Palmer
All that. Everything.

00:32:20:20 – 00:32:22:59
Laura Eppler
Yeah, everyone is performing to present this great life.

00:32:23:04 – 00:32:36:23
Agent Palmer
No. And I get it. And I get to choose the filter, right. Yeah. So I it’s not even actually as it was like this is now in black and white and you’ll never see that my colors didn’t match or whatever. Like there’s always this.

00:32:36:23 – 00:32:54:03
Laura Eppler
You can fix it. Yeah. And you have that benefit of hindsight. Right. And you can go back and make it a prettier life. Like, if only we could do that. Have you ever said, I know I have, I’ve said something and I can see by the look on the person’s face that they took it. Not that my intention was not to say it.

00:32:54:03 – 00:33:09:44
Laura Eppler
And you almost wish you could hit rewind. And because you can’t unsaid. And you can apologize until the cows come home. But you said it. Yeah. And you were temporarily insane. And then. And. But you can’t just say it. And then the person is like, they can’t unknow.

00:33:09:46 – 00:33:29:20
Agent Palmer
You said, I don’t know, I guess not. Maybe it’s the. Maybe it’s the benefit of doing this right. Like I’ve, I’ve got I mean, first it was it was gradual thing because starting the blog first I was comfortable with I wrote this down and I’m sharing it with the world. Is the world going to see it?

00:33:29:20 – 00:33:53:42
Agent Palmer
No, that’s not how the internet works. But like but it’s out there. And so I’ve shared my words and that’s one thing. And then doing this and getting on other podcasts and knowing that like I mean and my experience was slightly different in that there were a couple early podcasts I was on or they didn’t edit and they told you that, like, what you’re saying now is what’s going on?

00:33:53:42 – 00:33:54:18
Laura Eppler
I’ve been there.

00:33:54:18 – 00:34:11:30
Agent Palmer
You think about it. You know, it’s basically like live TV, like there’s no going back here, right? And having that experience and not not set, not necessarily censoring myself, but knowing like, well, you say this whatever you say here. Like it doesn’t matter what the question is.

00:34:11:32 – 00:34:12:16
Laura Eppler
It’s exactly.

00:34:12:17 – 00:34:12:44
Agent Palmer
You know.

00:34:12:44 – 00:34:13:30
Laura Eppler
You can’t take it.

00:34:13:30 – 00:34:35:07
Agent Palmer
Let’s go and show. I don’t know. I’ve had so much experience with like, well, and I have, you know, for this show, I have final say. I can edit things out, but I don’t because it it removes so much context of like, well, it’s a conversation. So it’s volley back and forth. And you said this and I said this and and really cut.

00:34:35:12 – 00:34:35:16
Laura Eppler
Yeah.

00:34:35:21 – 00:34:44:54
Agent Palmer
But if I cut one thing and you refer back. Yeah. Then I have to cut that thing or whatever, it’s like it’s a lot easier to leave most of it in or all.

00:34:44:57 – 00:34:45:26
Laura Eppler
Oh yeah.

00:34:45:35 – 00:34:58:25
Agent Palmer
Yeah. And, but I, I, I think this is kind of one of those like and and you’ve now had experience not just in the marketing but with the officiant where like what you do, you don’t get do overs at that point.

00:34:58:30 – 00:35:04:33
Laura Eppler
Right. Which is a little bit nerve wracking on your first few weddings, because if you mess it up, you’ve ruined someone’s wedding forever.

00:35:04:42 – 00:35:06:23
Agent Palmer
Okay. I mean, that’s that is.

00:35:06:28 – 00:35:08:57
Laura Eppler
I try not to think about that, you know what I mean?

00:35:08:57 – 00:35:12:20
Agent Palmer
Is it still is it still like, do you you don’t still.

00:35:12:20 – 00:35:13:52
Laura Eppler
Oh, no. No. Now it’s now.

00:35:13:52 – 00:35:14:19
Agent Palmer
You’re coming I.

00:35:14:19 – 00:35:32:50
Laura Eppler
Love it. That’s my favorite part of it. But what. And I think this is like a lesson that the universe is teaching me. Like when I get on, honestly, a sales call, right? I get to a sales call and the assumptive, I’m collecting information because I’m assuming that most of the time they hire me. So rather than having yet another call which people don’t have time, right.

00:35:32:54 – 00:35:47:24
Laura Eppler
So I’ll get in. I’ll have them just start telling me their story. I’ll take copious notes, notes and notes and they’ll get to know me. Just and and one thing I do too is I’ll share it is about them, but I’ll share a little bit about me, because in the end, it’s all about how they feel about me.

00:35:47:24 – 00:35:55:51
Laura Eppler
Like as long as I’m as I know what the heck I’m doing, which I do, and I’m the brand that they want. Like I like to be human.

00:35:55:55 – 00:36:09:30
Agent Palmer
As opposed to just this random stranger who’s here, like, and I assume maybe I shouldn’t assume, but like you, you come, you go wherever you’re needed. You know.

00:36:09:35 – 00:36:11:05
Laura Eppler
If they’re willing to pay travel. Yeah.

00:36:11:07 – 00:36:42:51
Agent Palmer
So so. Well, but I say, I say that because, well, one of the, one of the first calls you and I had about this was during and we’ve talked stuff and I’ve talked about it since on the podcast. We had a non-viable pregnancy, but we called you at the beginning of that non-viable pregnancy because originally the due date was going to be when we wanted to get married, and we just wanted to make sure you were willing to come to the hospital if that had happened.

00:36:42:51 – 00:36:57:18
Agent Palmer
And it you know, it didn’t. But you are a free agent, so. Oh yeah, you can you, you know, you end up wherever you end up and you’re not you’re sometimes you’re outside, sometimes you’re inside.

00:36:57:18 – 00:36:57:57
Laura Eppler
Oh yeah, I like.

00:36:57:57 – 00:36:58:50
Agent Palmer
Small.

00:36:58:55 – 00:37:16:45
Laura Eppler
I love the more outrageous almost the better. Like I like because almost all the most, people are marrying outside in a wedding venue. Some people marry in a park. I know I do some license signings just at a park right near my house, because then I don’t have to charge of people travel. And it’s a lovely park.

00:37:16:50 – 00:37:34:08
Laura Eppler
You know, it’s open to the public kind of thing. But I love doing that kind of thing. Most people also tend people don’t want to pay for destination’s destination kind of weddings. I’d love to do one, of course. But I’d have to charge them my cost to get there. So I have done for some friends.

00:37:34:08 – 00:37:56:15
Laura Eppler
I’ve they’ve pay me for me to go a little further because they just really wanted me in particular. The hospital thing, I would have, you know, we’re friends, so I would I’d be delighted to do. I would probably do that for a non friend too. Okay. But yeah, I, I welcome I mean, to me, I’m at the point in my life that I’m trying to collect novel experiences a little bit, okay.

00:37:56:18 – 00:38:04:06
Laura Eppler
And do things. I mean, you know, I’d like to stand up comedy thing was another example of like, what is there to lose? And one of the benefits of being alone.

00:38:04:06 – 00:38:23:24
Agent Palmer
But not everybody is willing to say what is there to lose? Like, you know what I mean? Like that’s I you are you aware of how unique that is to you? Like, because there’s a lot of people who even, like, they could be the most well-traveled person at like 85, and they would still be like, But I’m not getting up there.

00:38:23:24 – 00:38:24:58
Agent Palmer
I have so much to lose.

00:38:25:03 – 00:38:25:55
Laura Eppler
And yet.

00:38:25:57 – 00:38:31:40
Agent Palmer
So you saying that is I mean, that’s not that’s not most people.

00:38:31:53 – 00:38:50:19
Laura Eppler
Oh, I know that. I think that’s true of all of us. Right. I think all of us have special talents that we tend to marginalize because to us, like, I can say this and we’ll just go, right. Something about that. Well, a lot of people are daunted by an empty screen, you know, like, I help a lot of couples write their personal vows because they have no idea even how to approach it.

00:38:50:24 – 00:39:05:42
Agent Palmer
Like a lot of people. And I guess it’s getting worse now. And we won’t we won’t get into why. But like a lot of people haven’t written anything since college or high school. If you go to college, when was the last time you know, anybody sat down and wrote anything of length? I mean, you and I are probably too unique.

00:39:05:47 – 00:39:11:30
Laura Eppler
Or read a novel for that matter. Like a lot of people don’t read a complete novel after college and it’s these.

00:39:11:30 – 00:39:25:21
Agent Palmer
Are that seems odd to me, but that’s just because of the company I keep. Like, I, I’m, I guess I’m lucky in that happenstance has made it so that most of my friends and most of the people I associate with our readers as well. So. And it.

00:39:25:21 – 00:39:26:13
Laura Eppler
Doesn’t make them bad.

00:39:26:13 – 00:39:39:35
Agent Palmer
People. No, but it’s just like you make that statement and go, well, yeah, that’s probably true. But like for in my opinion, but in my own circle, it’s like, oh, well, maybe not everybody’s a writer, but everybody’s a reader. And it’s like, yeah.

00:39:39:35 – 00:39:49:33
Laura Eppler
Most people aren’t readers or they read more in the nugget. And again, I don’t want to be marginalizing marginalizing most people because that’s kind of the what the world is now. It’s a quick digest. People don’t have time.

00:39:49:43 – 00:39:50:19
Agent Palmer
This or that.

00:39:50:22 – 00:40:08:18
Laura Eppler
Right. But what I love about kind of a side benefit to me of the officiant work is I go into these, I shouldn’t even call them a sales pitch because I don’t I go in and I’ll just get in like, oh, I’m looking forward to it. I get to know this couple and, you know, 98% of the time I click with them.

00:40:08:27 – 00:40:30:29
Laura Eppler
I’m having fun. They’re having fun. I’m getting some information to write the wedding with and if if that’s not what they want, you know, go forth and find someone else. Truly. And I’ll even say that to someone like, if if there’s a couple, and well, I’ve actually written, funnily enough, I’ve written on a few that I’m just not vibing it with a couple I wrote on one.

00:40:30:34 – 00:40:44:46
Laura Eppler
I hope this couple doesn’t use. So because I was getting the one word answers, but they did choose me, okay? And it was one of the best. It was one of the best weddings I did. They were just there just aren’t it just not okay. And they were great.

00:40:44:48 – 00:40:51:36
Agent Palmer
So I have to ask this. Do you watch romantic movies? Do you watch hallmark stuff that kind of stuff.

00:40:51:36 – 00:40:52:59
Laura Eppler
Usually, but not to get fodder.

00:40:52:59 – 00:41:17:19
Agent Palmer
Oh, no, not to give fodder. I’m just thinking in terms of like, well, you you’ve done 150 over, you’ve done more than 150 over 150. So you’ve seen like up close in person, you’ve witnessed that kind of stuff. Like I’m, I’m only asking because like, do you sit down at a hallmark movie and go, well, I’ve seen better because I’ve experienced.

00:41:17:22 – 00:41:38:11
Laura Eppler
Because everyone has seen better on. No, I see your point. Yeah. Like, does it seem more contrived? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Well, the danger is also in the other direction because it’s so hyper romantic in most cases. And it’s, it’s easy to look at your own life and think, wow, like, what’s wrong with me? Like, like which?

00:41:38:16 – 00:41:40:09
Laura Eppler
And again, I adore my husband, but.

00:41:40:09 – 00:41:41:17
Agent Palmer
You’re at the bottom.

00:41:41:17 – 00:41:42:51
Laura Eppler
The pinnacle of romance.

00:41:42:51 – 00:41:47:24
Agent Palmer
Well, I was going to say it’s also you guys have been married for.

00:41:47:35 – 00:41:48:18
Laura Eppler
40 years.

00:41:48:18 – 00:42:00:49
Agent Palmer
You know, so that’s for decades. And everybody that you’re, you know, has been married for four minutes, you know, like by the time you’re done and they walk off like that’s so there’s a and then.

00:42:00:53 – 00:42:16:14
Laura Eppler
But and as you know, you know you’ve been in a long term relationship and you know, I mean as you know it ebbs and flows. And I think that that’s what the, the value I bring and that I talk, I’m, you know, I’m not a therapist and I don’t pretend to be one, but, I kind of wish I was credentialed.

00:42:16:14 – 00:42:18:29
Laura Eppler
I think that would be really cool to do.

00:42:18:36 – 00:42:20:05
Agent Palmer
You don’t need another hat lawyer.

00:42:20:09 – 00:42:42:35
Laura Eppler
Yeah. Like that would be really, because I would I informally, I can say a lot of stuff, but you know, I it would be really lovely to do because I know in some faiths there is premarital counseling and all that. I actually can connect my couples, but not too many of them do it. I don’t know if they’re doing it in another way, but, just to have some those conversations because I do think that there’s it’s a good idea.

00:42:42:37 – 00:42:54:35
Laura Eppler
Not only do you want kids, you know, your attitudes about money, which are the two big argument points, but there’s just a lot of things that it’s good to kind of have some ground rules, not in any negative way, but just to.

00:42:54:39 – 00:43:12:49
Agent Palmer
Yeah, just to know I get it, I and I, I’ve, I’ve been talking about this recently as far as like I didn’t well obviously what’s what you think of as normal growing up is vastly different than what everybody else is, is because obviously your normal is your home and the world is dysfunctional.

00:43:12:49 – 00:43:14:01
Laura Eppler
I recently discovered, well.

00:43:14:01 – 00:43:22:13
Agent Palmer
But it was one of those things where, like in my house, we talked about religion, politics and money.

00:43:22:17 – 00:43:23:23
Laura Eppler
Which is at the table.

00:43:23:35 – 00:43:43:31
Agent Palmer
Right. Like and so like for me and I didn’t I didn’t just go out and talk to people about that. But what it meant was later in life when like my, my friends would be like, how do you know that? Like, well, we my parents and I talked about money and they were like, really? And like the idea that like, I would question my own religion and then that would be okay.

00:43:43:36 – 00:44:04:38
Agent Palmer
Yeah. Or that we would talk politics. And I could disagree with my parents. I mean, I grew into basically their platforms anyway. So that’s a whole, you know, like but growing up you’re not Curtis. Yeah. Yeah. And so it but at the same time I was like, oh no. Yeah. No like this isn’t normal. That does not that’s not what other people.

00:44:04:38 – 00:44:05:48
Laura Eppler
I don’t think there is a normal.

00:44:06:01 – 00:44:12:08
Agent Palmer
I don’t well that’s the thing I think there might be a few outliers who think they’re normal.

00:44:12:13 – 00:44:33:30
Laura Eppler
But usually they’re the least realm of all. Like, a lot. Yeah, a lot of times the people that think they haven’t had enough I mean, not necessarily true, but a lot of people that a normal childhood, they just are less self-aware that it wasn’t normal. I mean, I know that that was a huge discovery for me. Like, I mean, I love my original family, and I always used to think we were all kind of little weird.

00:44:33:30 – 00:44:53:04
Laura Eppler
But now as I see my, my, my sons get married and stuff and they really admire the love we have and the wonderful rituals and traditions like, that’s kind of cool, like, and, and I’m kind of embraced. I’m seeing now what we’re not normal or average, whatever that means. But I’m kind of glad. I mean, I’m kind of glad we have some unique things.

00:44:53:04 – 00:45:06:05
Agent Palmer
Well, but and there’s the idea of, I mean, not just from your officiant work, but obviously with your family. Everybody’s got their own traditions.

00:45:06:10 – 00:45:06:37
Laura Eppler
Yes.

00:45:06:37 – 00:45:34:55
Agent Palmer
And so that’s, you know, you know, maybe take any everybody celebrates New Year’s or, New Year’s in some capacity, but not everybody celebrates it the same way. Regardless. So you know, and so there’s always like all right. Like I remember with the growing up the family tradition was and then I moved out. Right. Like and when I’m not living there we can’t do some of those traditions anymore.

00:45:35:00 – 00:45:48:47
Agent Palmer
But I, I can only imagine that for you. The officiant thing was probably the best next career, despite how crazy it seemed at the time.

00:45:48:49 – 00:46:08:50
Laura Eppler
It’s serendipitous. Almost. I also did because as a human, as an endorsed humanist officiant, I can do any life celebration. So I also did a, an individual pass to happen to be the father of a couple that, I mean, I like all my couples and some I just really like love and tragically, that this individual died way before his time.

00:46:08:50 – 00:46:39:52
Laura Eppler
And they asked me if I could do a celebration of life. And I was a little reluctant because it’s a whole different gig, but, you know, loved the family. We had a lot of time turning around. Celebration of life when it’s less than a week is a lot of pressure. So that that didn’t that doesn’t appeal to me because I would really it’s it’s a and honestly, it’s not as lucrative because you look opportunistic if you charge honestly what you deserve to be paid for the amount of work that goes into it.

00:46:39:57 – 00:46:50:06
Laura Eppler
But it was a wonderful experience, and I felt that I added to the in the best possible way. I like added dimension to their grieving process. And I.

00:46:50:06 – 00:46:57:23
Agent Palmer
Didn’t know, like, I guess I never thought about like, the other things you could do, like.

00:46:57:37 – 00:46:59:15
Laura Eppler
I’ve done baby welcoming.

00:46:59:20 – 00:47:06:49
Agent Palmer
Okay. I, you know, I did it. I just, I guess I just, always assumed it was just wedding because.

00:47:06:49 – 00:47:08:50
Laura Eppler
That’s that’s 99% of my work.

00:47:08:50 – 00:47:10:17
Agent Palmer
But there is more.

00:47:10:22 – 00:47:32:41
Laura Eppler
Right. And we’re urged to do more. I mean, some people do, and I’ve never ventured into this. Some people do, like when they change genders, they do kind of an acknowledgment of that change. Some people do, divorce celebrations. Okay. Coming of age celebrations, kind of like that, you know, the bar mitzvah or the there’s a Latino one.

00:47:32:54 – 00:47:33:07
Agent Palmer
The.

00:47:33:07 – 00:47:51:40
Laura Eppler
Cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that kind of thing. You can do a secular version of that. Okay. Less of a market for it, honestly. Because then it’s more like, I think one of the reasons that the wedding officiant thing is the greatest part of my business is there’s a legal component like, you know, and one of the reasons I want it to be endorsed is in Pennsylvania.

00:47:51:40 – 00:48:02:37
Laura Eppler
It’s a little unclear whether the online officiant are legal or not. Like in in some like in some municipalities, they specifically say online celebrants.

00:48:02:41 – 00:48:03:16
Agent Palmer
Don’t.

00:48:03:21 – 00:48:11:34
Laura Eppler
Online officiant don’t count. Okay. So I wanted something I don’t want I want to know that my certification was legit. In all cases I gotcha.

00:48:11:36 – 00:48:12:44
Agent Palmer
Yeah, yeah.

00:48:12:49 – 00:48:17:48
Laura Eppler
Yeah I love to worry. I don’t need that, to be one more concern.

00:48:17:48 – 00:48:32:10
Agent Palmer
Yeah. That’s fine. Well, we we were happy. We we, I think we, I was, I think we, I think we actually because Stef made me remember. But I think we wrote a review too, I think for you, I don’t know.

00:48:32:14 – 00:48:41:11
Laura Eppler
Maybe, maybe I can check in like, you know.

00:48:41:16 – 00:48:57:19
Agent Palmer
So first off, the for the record, who did write a review for Laura, though I generally have no idea what we did with it and perhaps never shared it with Laura in the first place. Though I thought we did. So here it is. For the record, getting married is an important decision and so is choosing an officiant to make it official.

00:48:57:34 – 00:49:17:40
Agent Palmer
We chose Laura and not only are we still happily married, we were thrilled with our bespoke service. Laura guided us through everything, every step of the way and she did. I recommend her to you and yours as I would to me in mind. But back to the episode. There is something very specific that Laura said at the beginning of our conversation that I love.

00:49:17:55 – 00:49:42:44
Agent Palmer
Quote. It really appealed to me, partly because it was a little preposterous, unquote. There is something extremely noble in that statement. Most people would find the opposite of preposterous, appealing. You know, words like reasonable come to mind, but preposterous to admit that something absurd or fantastical is appealing. That takes some guts. And Laura comes right out and says it.

00:49:42:56 – 00:50:09:37
Agent Palmer
And here’s the thing she’s not alone. Not nearly as alone as one would believe, as it is just as preposterous that yours truly keeps doing this podcast. Honestly, I was comfortable guesting on shows and helping behind the scenes. It may be that I have my own show for the same reason. Laura is now an officiant because for me, Agent Palmer, of all things geek, I am proxy caster extraordinaire to have a podcast all I own.

00:50:09:48 – 00:50:30:42
Agent Palmer
That’s kind of preposterous and it still appeals to me. Don’t settle for the reasonable. Then again, don’t settle at all. Unless of course, you find the right partner. Then get married and perhaps Laura can do your ceremony too. Thanks for listening to the Palmer Files episode 158. And now for the official business. The Palmer Files releases every two weeks on Tuesdays.

00:50:30:43 – 00:50:50:13
Agent Palmer
If you’re still listening, I encourage you to join the discussion. You can find all related ways to contact Laura and myself in the show notes. You can see more about Laura and contact her on Facebook by searching Laura Eppler celebrant, or clicking the link in the description. The music for this episode was provided by Henno Heitur. Email and comments can be sent to this show at The Palmer Files at gmail.com.

00:50:50:13 – 00:51:04:23
Agent Palmer
And remember, you’re home for all things agent Palmer is Agent palmer.com.

00:51:04:27 – 00:51:12:12
Unknown
You.

00:51:12:17 – 00:51:30:18
Unknown
Will see.

00:51:30:23 – 00:51:38:25
Unknown
Me?

00:51:38:30 – 00:51:40:51
Agent Palmer
All right. Laura, do you have one final question for me?

00:51:40:56 – 00:51:51:33
Laura Eppler
I do, so you’ve done a lot of these podcasts, and the common thread, it seems, is that they all know you and there’s some commonality.

00:51:51:38 – 00:51:54:47
Agent Palmer
I mean, some of them didn’t know me until I invited them on.

00:51:54:52 – 00:51:56:35
Laura Eppler
Okay, so the common thread is you interviewed. Yeah.

00:51:56:42 – 00:51:59:31
Agent Palmer
The common thread is just me, right?

00:51:59:36 – 00:52:14:44
Laura Eppler
Right. So you’ve learned you’ve learned a lot of things. You’ve been surprised. What what of those lessons do you think might apply to me? What could you transfer to me that you think could be helpful, either me as an individual or in my work as a celebrant?

00:52:14:44 – 00:52:41:50
Agent Palmer
I mean, I’ll say this. One of the things, and you’ve already done it as far as your second career is just do the thing that’s, I think over the course, especially when I talk to creatives, regardless of the medium, whether it’s music or the written word or or actual art, painting, graphic design, doing the thing is the most important thing.

00:52:41:55 – 00:53:07:58
Agent Palmer
And very few people are like, oh, I should have waited, right? Like you, you you didn’t wait. You didn’t retire. Wait a few years to figure out what’s next. You just lapped, they overlapped and you went, I want to know what’s next. And you, you you actively sought out the next thing, so you just did it. That’s probably the most important thing because it.

00:53:07:58 – 00:53:44:30
Agent Palmer
And it’s not I don’t want to say it’s selfish because a lot of people, do a lot of these things for themselves. You know, yours was a second career, mine, maybe the blog or the podcast that seem. But I’m sure, like most of the time, unless you’re writing, unless you’re just journaling or just, you know, keeping your art to yourself, most people are creating something to share, and maybe not for money, but just to share to.

00:53:44:35 – 00:53:45:58
Laura Eppler
Their legacy, if you will.

00:53:45:58 – 00:53:59:55
Agent Palmer
Yeah, for something. And I think that’s the thing where the sooner you can start, the better. And it’s not because you’re going to be a success. But don’t, don’t I.

00:54:00:00 – 00:54:00:48
Laura Eppler
Don’t play small.

00:54:00:48 – 00:54:24:50
Agent Palmer
I don’t know if it’s the wrong word, but don’t romanticize it, because if you think about writing and you think about writing and you think about writing by the time you write, if it’s a letdown, it’s a lot worse than had you started. And went, all right, this isn’t my thing. Maybe I’ll try picking up guitar or, you know, picking up a paintbrush, like, do the thing now.

00:54:24:50 – 00:54:27:54
Agent Palmer
And if it works for you, great. And if not, there’s time.

00:54:27:54 – 00:54:28:37
Laura Eppler
Why did you lose?

00:54:28:37 – 00:54:31:01
Agent Palmer
To figure out the next thing.

00:54:31:06 – 00:54:54:26
Laura Eppler
And building on that, like when I look back at my life, I mean, you know, I’ve, I’ve had a lot of great luck, a lot of success and some failures. But one of the things that I’m very proud of myself for doing is starting the second career. And I’m very grateful, as I said to. But that’s also true because, you know, I jumped into something I don’t.

00:54:54:30 – 00:54:57:57
Laura Eppler
I think it would have been ten times harder to do it just from nothing.

00:54:57:57 – 00:55:15:39
Agent Palmer
But you also, I mean, you weren’t thinking about like, I think I think the thing that makes your story unique is that you didn’t think about the second career halfway through your initial career, but when it was time to start thinking about it, you just jumped in.

00:55:15:44 – 00:55:33:03
Laura Eppler
Well, when I was raising kids, you’re just trying to survive. When you’re raising kids and working full time, you’re just in survival mode for like 20 years, and then and then they’re gone. And then you kind of enjoy a little bit of of an exhale and then you’re like, okay, we’re retiring a little bit. I know me, I’ll drive myself and my spouse and saying something.

00:55:33:03 – 00:55:35:18
Laura Eppler
Yeah. And what could that be? What does that look like?

00:55:35:18 – 00:55:38:37
Agent Palmer
But a lot of people will wait. A lot of people wouldn’t.

00:55:38:37 – 00:55:40:07
Laura Eppler
And then they never do anything and then they.

00:55:40:07 – 00:55:50:37
Agent Palmer
Become that’s a whole different thing. But that’s a thing that happens a lot of the time. And that’s there’s a I don’t want it to be. It’s not procrastination. I think it’s the opposite of progressive.

00:55:50:42 – 00:55:50:47
Laura Eppler
Yeah.

00:55:50:53 – 00:56:06:50
Agent Palmer
It’s it’s the, I don’t want to do it yet. So procrastination means you’ll get there eventually. Maybe not right away, but you’ll get there eventually. And I think a lot of people are afraid to start just to be afraid to start.

00:56:06:55 – 00:56:26:06
Laura Eppler
While it’s scary and, you know, like the consequences can be like I say, what could go wrong? Well, I could go out there and screw up someone’s work. No, I no, but the, But here’s the thing. Like, I was mature enough in my career that I knew I wouldn’t like. I trusted myself, okay? Like, I knew maybe it won’t be up to my standards, but I knew it would be.

00:56:26:11 – 00:56:27:12
Laura Eppler
It would be good.

00:56:27:16 – 00:56:37:54
Agent Palmer
But at the same time, you know, I am. And maybe this is again, we talk about like, this is not normal, but it’s normal for us. You know, your.

00:56:38:00 – 00:56:38:43
Laura Eppler
Capability.

00:56:38:45 – 00:56:46:14
Agent Palmer
Capability and you know, like, well, I can I can do this or I’m willing to try and a lot of people aren’t willing to try. And that’s the other thing.

00:56:46:15 – 00:56:57:18
Laura Eppler
I professional maturity too. Remember I was in my 50s when I did it. I don’t know if I would have, maybe I would have, but would I have been able to do it in my 20s? I don’t know, maybe I would have.

00:56:57:23 – 00:57:10:34
Agent Palmer
But well, I there’s an argument to be made that you would have, but because of a for a different reason, I had to if you wouldn’t, you wouldn’t have no kids, you wouldn’t have known any better. So why wouldn’t you have? That’s a whole different reason to do it.

00:57:10:41 – 00:57:11:23
Laura Eppler
True.

00:57:11:28 – 00:57:19:41
Agent Palmer
Because not knowing is often a lot easier as a barrier to entry. Like, well, I don’t know anything like, let’s go.

00:57:19:41 – 00:57:24:38
Laura Eppler
Stupidity is actually thinking too much has been the bane of my existence. But one of the things.

00:57:24:43 – 00:57:36:01
Agent Palmer
That not just yours, not just yours, there’s a lot of us. It’s called, I think. I think that’s how we end up as neurotics. Yeah. No, we thought too much or we’re neurotic, or we think too much because we’re neurosis.

00:57:36:01 – 00:58:04:17
Laura Eppler
I think a little neurosis is fun. I actually slight neurosis as a wedding. Efficient is great because nothing gets forgotten. Okay, but the other thing that I’ve learned, which kind of ties into this, is to trust serendipity. Call it what you will call it. You know, God’s plan, call it the universe. But I’ve had so many things happen in my life that were, you can say they were coincidental, but it’s a little overwhelmingly against the odds like that.

00:58:04:17 – 00:58:15:29
Laura Eppler
I happen to have this weird test that told me something a little kind of offbeat. I reached out to, you know, one of the local leaders, and it she happened to be wanting to take some money.

00:58:15:33 – 00:58:17:54
Agent Palmer
And she actually took and she she liked me.

00:58:17:54 – 00:58:34:26
Laura Eppler
Yeah. And and, because I got to be honest with you, like, without her, I don’t know if I would have done it. It’s a huge deal. If there’s one thing I learned in my career is to start something from scratch, there’s just too much to know. It would have been overwhelming. You know, I go, I gave in, she I, you know.

00:58:34:26 – 00:58:35:30
Agent Palmer
She had a mentor.

00:58:35:30 – 00:58:52:31
Laura Eppler
A mentor. She sent me leads. I don’t think I know nothing. Yes, myself. I just don’t think it would have happened without that. I mean, it’s such a head start. And that serendipity, I don’t know, I’ve had a lot of really luck. I’ve had a lot of serendipity work out for me. Sometimes. And maybe you make your own life.

00:58:52:31 – 00:59:21:31
Agent Palmer
Well, but I and I, I recently wrote this, and I think I recorded it and released it to, happenstance isn’t just like what happens, it’s how you react to it. What is what you do with it. Like all the serendipity, all the happenstance, all the universe stuff can put something in front of you. But if you don’t take a bite or if you do, maybe you weren’t supposed to like it’s how you react to whatever happens.

00:59:21:36 – 00:59:32:23
Agent Palmer
You took the test and reacted with, yeah, that seems interesting, but you could have easily been like, well, what’s number two? Yeah, right now I could be talking to you as I, I have no idea.

00:59:32:23 – 00:59:35:06
Laura Eppler
I don’t even remember what number you.

00:59:35:11 – 00:59:37:45
Agent Palmer
But I just it is that reaction.

00:59:37:47 – 00:59:39:42
Laura Eppler
Could have been lingerie clerk. I don’t know it.

00:59:39:51 – 01:00:01:56
Agent Palmer
I don’t I don’t think you would have I retail’s two said sedentary. It’s not. Yeah. It’s not it when we talk about it being different and you know I guess stimulating and that lack of boredom, you know, you need something that not, you know, ma’am, you retail where it’s like the same all the time or whatever.

01:00:01:58 – 01:00:13:48
Laura Eppler
Oh, I agree, but what what I love about it, I didn’t really realize at the time it’s, you know, hindsight’s 2020. Like, you know, there’s a you do not amount of similarity between what I’m doing, what I did in my 9 to 5.

01:00:13:49 – 01:00:15:02
Agent Palmer
What when you were marketing.

01:00:15:02 – 01:00:30:59
Laura Eppler
Yeah. But this it would this is kind of just the, a whole different it’s on its head. Right. Technical writing is technical writing. And that’s honestly where you can make more money because it it’s harder. Yeah.

01:00:30:59 – 01:00:40:56
Agent Palmer
You know, believe me, as someone who took I took one class in technical writing, I think I’ve used those skills twice in the last 20 years.

01:00:41:01 – 01:00:42:58
Laura Eppler
And I’m 21.

01:00:42:58 – 01:00:54:51
Agent Palmer
I’m thankful to not have to write that way because I just my mind doesn’t work in that way when I frame sentences and paragraphs and structure and story.

01:00:54:56 – 01:01:14:19
Laura Eppler
That was, interestingly, one of the adjustments I had to make with the wedding work like to include in there, like things that weren’t sentences, adjectives, adverbs. Yeah. Just like I just did a wedding and I said something like disarmingly handsome. That was the sentence, like referring to how the bride felt about the groom. Like disarmingly handsome is not a sentence.

01:01:14:32 – 01:01:27:00
Laura Eppler
There should not be a period. I didn’t. But you know, people speak when you’re not in complete sentences all the time. So that was actually, interestingly, one of my biggest adjustments like that. Like, well, you’re right.

01:01:27:00 – 01:01:28:37
Agent Palmer
Well, because instead of writing.

01:01:28:37 – 01:01:29:35
Laura Eppler
To be.

01:01:29:40 – 01:01:33:59
Agent Palmer
Instead of writing to be read, you’re writing to be said. And that’s a whole.

01:01:34:06 – 01:01:57:07
Laura Eppler
And it made it much better, like when I, when it didn’t have to be even like dangling participles. Horrors like that were actually made, that made the writing and made the presentations better because you had them. And I got to tell you, like. And the thing I love most, other than the the couples being really into it, you can feel the vibe.

01:01:57:12 – 01:02:04:11
Laura Eppler
But like when you can feel the audience in it and you can tell, you can look at them, you can feel the energy, you can feel them leaning in.

01:02:04:11 – 01:02:11:20
Agent Palmer
But you know now as well how to write a pause into something.

01:02:11:25 – 01:02:13:07
Laura Eppler
And chase the pacing, which.

01:02:13:07 – 01:02:21:07
Agent Palmer
Is. Yeah, which is also kind of that, well, disarmingly handsome. There might be more there, but you don’t have to say it. Which is the.

01:02:21:07 – 01:02:27:34
Laura Eppler
Other. Just stop and then wait. And then there’s like a nervous giggle. But everyone loves it, right? So you have that. I mean.

01:02:27:39 – 01:02:36:21
Agent Palmer
This is the problem with the podcast. I have a hard time with space.

01:02:36:26 – 01:02:41:10
Agent Palmer
It’s just it’s the truth because it is dead air. And unlike the performance, it’s.

01:02:41:10 – 01:02:41:46
Laura Eppler
A different heat.

01:02:41:46 – 01:03:05:30
Agent Palmer
Up there. It’s. Yeah. You know, and I always joke that I have a friend who when one of my first guest appearances with him, I didn’t get to say anything because like, any time I would give space, he would jump in because it’s like, dead air’s a bad thing. And I don’t know, I, I, I edit this show, but I leave some space in there because I think that’s, I think people need to get used to that.

01:03:05:30 – 01:03:06:43
Agent Palmer
The like the.

01:03:06:48 – 01:03:08:52
Laura Eppler
Average space when we converse. Jason.

01:03:09:01 – 01:03:34:02
Agent Palmer
Well, that’s true. But I also think a lot of people need to hear that the the cogs are turning like the wheels are moving in the brain. And I will get the thought out. And you this is where we get ums, likes and, yeah, but just saying nothing is okay. It’s okay. Perfectly fine. Not for you and me.

01:03:34:02 – 01:03:36:32
Agent Palmer
I get it, we’re different, but that’s fine.

01:03:36:40 – 01:03:42:11
Laura Eppler
That says that everyone has a certain number of words they’re allowed to say in life. And I’ve already surpassed my allotment.

01:03:42:13 – 01:03:45:51
Agent Palmer
I’m sure I’ve surpassed my allotment to. It’s fine. We’re borrowing on other people.

01:03:45:51 – 01:04:03:50
Laura Eppler
Yes. The quiet ones. Like, no. But interestingly, I have done weddings because I can feel it when they’re with me, and sometimes they’re just not. Sometimes the group really just wants to get a drink. The group? The couple just wanted to get married. Nothing against me. But they want, they want.

01:04:03:51 – 01:04:04:58
Agent Palmer
They want the celebration.

01:04:04:58 – 01:04:24:45
Laura Eppler
Yeah. They just want a pretty ceremony. And it doesn’t have to be deep and meaningful. And maybe they don’t. Maybe they express their love differently. Like they’re not with the grand depth, you know, they’re more, you know, people of action, like acts of service, you know, like the guy, the guy will plant flowers to show his love for the woman.

01:04:24:45 – 01:04:42:01
Laura Eppler
Rather than bring her flowers, this kind of thing. And that’s that can be very deep. But but. So I have to be willing to run without too, that not every ceremony is going to be this momentous. Like, I go home and I feel like I’ve discovered a new element in the depths of my romantic soul.

–End Transcription–

This transcription was processed by PalmerTech 3.1 and may contain errors for HUMINT (human intelligence).